It’s like he doesn’t know me at all July 10, 2009

So Miguel and I were discussing plans for our NOT AT ALL getting out of hand Squidgey birthday party, when suddenly his face lit and he said, “Wanna get a piñata?”  [Little confession, I’ve always had a burning desire to have a birthday piñata (right up there with my weird obsession with having a name long enough to be shortened to a nickname), but my mom was sooo not the piñata party type.] I expressed disappointment that he hadn’t mentioned his piñata interest earlier as just last night I saw a perfectly matching one on the site where I had ordered the plates, but dismissed it as going overboard for a one year old who couldn’t even swing a stick.  Hey, but if Miguel was in…

Then I said, that’s alright, I can just order it tonight, we’ll pay more shipping than if we had ordered together, but oh well.  To which he said, “Or I can just go out and pick one up at the party store.”

Oh hellllls no, we are not having some random party store piñata that Miguel, he of the miami vice furniture up in here.  He would so come back with some random wrong colored wonderpets shit. If it doesn’t match the décor, it stays at the store!

Nope, Not Going Overboard-AT ALL! July 9, 2009

So Squidgey’s one year birthday is quickly approaching.  And originally, when people asked me what we were planning for his birthday, I answered, “I plan to give him a cupcake to smash and call it a day.”  We don’t have any family here, it’s not like he has a bunch of little one year old friends to invite to a party, and we don’t really have very many couple friends that have wee kidlets, so a party seemed like it would just be for us, not him and really, what was the point in that?

Also, I don’t know, I was raised with this attitude that to invite someone to an event was almost like putting someone out, or gift-grubbing, so you don’t invite the whole world, just close friends/family.  Like, you don’t invite your cousin whom you never speak to and lives 6 hours away to your bridal shower when you know there is no way in hell she’s going to travel in for it.  So you don’t invite mostly adults to a little kids b-day party.  And finally, I just think it is c-razy that the trend these days is to spend hundreds of dollars on favors, renting bouncies, dancing troupes and shit (I’m looking at you Tori Spelling), for a wee kid who is going to appreciate it about 10 dollars worth and would have been just as happy with a pinata made out of a cereal box.

But when I explained my no family, who wants to come to a kiddie’s 1st birthday party theory, everyone reacted with shock.  “I would come!” they exclaimed.  And also, Miguel really wanted to have one so here we are with a pancake party on the calendar for next Saturday.  We totally stole the pancake party idea from my SIL-good timing with Squidge’s naps, easy, low stress, can do a lot of it ahead of time, just a small gathering, nothing fancy.

But of course, I am mentally incapable of entertaining without getting my crazed Martha hat on.  No store bought invites for my kid; nay, I had to design something custom, a tradition I started with his birth announce and followed up with the Christmas card.  And once that was done, everything now had to coordinate.  And since it was a funky, custom design, it’s not like I could just run out and buy the Blue’s Clues party pack and call it a day. 

So as the party planning has gone on, it just keeps growing. The wee Martha in my brain keeps whispering ideas in my head. I’ve decided to make a cupcake-cake in the shape of # 1, and make cookies with colored m&ms that match the dots on the invite. (Which, did you know those fuckers are $5.99 at Michaels for a teeny bag and you can’t order less than 5 bags at $6.99 each PLUS shipping from m&ms.com?  How is it I can get a bag 3 times as large for like 2.99 of regular mixed m&ms but sort them by color and they’re suddenly priced as if they were hand painted.  They should be cheaper, they can skip the whole step of mixing the colors together!  Somebody should come out with chocolate covered candy coated “celebration dots,” sell them at half the price and smoke m&ms. /end rant)

I only spent an hour and a half online last night trying to find funky decor cupcake wrappers that match the party colors. (and mistakenly found reusable fabric MAXI PADS in a trio CUPCAKE patterned fabrics-WTF!!!!!?)  Then was all, “oooh, I have those edible cake decorating markers, I bet I can polka dot plain wrappers,” for 2 dozen cupcakes, you know, in my FREE time. WTF is wrong with me?

THEN, this morning in the shower, I was thinking about the menu, which includes fruit salad, and I flashed back to this: http://www.thisyounghouse.com/2009/07/patriotic-produce/ and was like, I can TOTALLY do that, except carve out a #1. And then I slapped some sense into my self. (but I’m still kind of thinking about it…send help!)

Just now, on my way back from a bathroom break, I started ruminating on how we could turn the kiddie pool into some kind of game for the kids…maybe fill it with green and blue balloons and have them dive for prizes or something?

I need a Martha-intervention!!!

Note to Self July 1, 2009

Stop reading things that say what children *should* be doing at x age.

Every child is different…every child is different…

Pregnant Again June 24, 2009

No, not really! But apparently, my subconscious thinks that we’ve rolled back the clock and it is June of last year and I’m still eating for two. Especially in the ice cream department. 

I vowed that this week, I was getting back on track and revived the food log.  Yet, for some reason, I persuaded Miguel to buy me some ice cream (light! so that’s okay, right?) and cones Sunday. I figured I could treat myself within reason and wouldn’t feel deprived. Monday night I was good, and used an acutal measuring cup to scoop out a single serving. Last night, I did the same.  Then shortly after eating it, I was rumaging in the fridge and found a jar of almost empty Dove fudge topping forgotten in the door. And then I added a scoop of peanut butter to it, warmed it up, and poured it over a most definitely larger than serving size bowl of that “light” ice cream.

I don’t have an excuse. I knew while I was doing it that it was wrong and asked myself if I really wanted to write this down in my food log, but I didn’t care. Lately, I have felt like I have a hollow leg and can not eat enough to fill it. And of course, I’m not filling it with healthy things. My will power seems to have des(s)erted me entirely.

For the Record June 22, 2009

Because things seem to be speeding by and I keep thinking, “when did he start doing that again?” The weekend before last when we were at Hocking Hills, Squidge really started getting his sea legs and moving around. It started Thursday-he would tentively turn from the coffee table to couch a foot away and back. By the end of the weekend he was lurching through space from one widely spaced support to the next.
Now we’re just waiting for him to figure out the diaper champ is not weighted enough to support him. He keeps pulling himself up, tipping over, looking stunned, then waiting for us to right it so he can try again.

Good Goggly Moogly! June 18, 2009

This week is kicking my ass! We were out of town last weekend and came home Sunday slightly hungover and very tired, having to unpack (1/2 of the contents of our house, which we took along to keep Squidge entertained/corralled/out of harms way) and get ready to go back to work on Monday. We have something every. single. day. this week after work-nutritionist appointment, my doctor’s appointment, family in from out of town for dinner, ear infection re-check appointment, and physical therapy.

On top of that, Squidge was out of food so batches of fruit needed to be peeled, chopped, cooked, pureed and frozen; bills needed to be paid; house needed to be tidied and groceries needed to be bought and prepped for company dinner, and oh yeah, Squidge needed to be fed and entertained (and yesterday- bathed with a full outfit change twice after diaper poop-splosions). 

On top of all THAT, I’ve discovered monumental fuck ups with a medical bill from last January and all of Squidgey’s prescriptions since birth.  So I have been stuck in automated phone menu hell with the hospital, both insurance companies, the pharmacy, and the third party pharmacy benefits company, trying to get this shit straightened out. Each call either yielded completely conflicting information or denial of responsibility for anything, sending me back to call one of the other companies, and sit on hold, press 1 for English, etc., AGAIN.  Lather, rinse, repeat.

Of course, trying to make a phone call around Squidge means that he is eager to climb you and reach out for a phone tasting, and pissed when it is not offered up on a silver platter.  As an alternative, I can leave him in the playroom, hoping that he will entertain himself while I sneak off to try to make a call.  However, these days, that inevitably ends with me finding him less than 30 seconds later, in another room, attempting to lick an electrical socket.

After a brief honeymoon period where he was fairly independent as far as entertaining himself, yet slow enough locomoting to stay in one place for a while, we’re now entering the lightening mobility phase.  Before, you could stand him at a toy/activity table and he’d stay there for a good 10 minutes-because he didn’t know how to get down.  If you sat him in front of it, he’d spend at least 5 minutes wobblingly trying to pull himself up. Now he’s up and down faster than you can blink and crawling off at Nascar speeds.  After what seems like forever of waiting for him to finally roll over, sit up, crawl on all fours, push to sit, etc., I’m amazed at the speed he’s acquiring new skills.  Walking and running won’t be far off!

Why the office janitor will be confused today June 17, 2009

Contents of my trash can: three ice cream bar wrappers, three fruit snack pouches, and a lean cuisine box.

Time to break out the food log again.

May, Schmay June 8, 2009

In case you missed it-it’s now June! JUNE! Despite all the things I want to get down, it’s been a whole month since I’ve posted. 

We’ve been on the usual busy rollercoaster with Squidge-allergy testing confirming his milk allergy, ruling out a soy one and adding in wheat, egg, peanut and best of all, dog!  So we’ve been busy cleaning our ducts, carpets and dog, and trying to overcome his slight milk allergy by working in regular formula a bit at a time.

Which was going swell until we reached the point where he was getting as much regular formula as hypoallergenic and I switched to the powder formula so that we could over concentrate it to get in the extra calories we’ve been giving for weight gain.  And then it all went into the shitter and it became a wrestling match to get him to take a bottle. Then we adjusted his reflux meds and all was hearts and flowers again.

Until he got an ear infection and once again, down the tubes with the eating.  Either the amoxicillin or the advil was irritating his reflux, so we had another week of shitty eating but we seem to be on the upswing again.  Most. Medicated. Kid on Earth last week: amoxicillin twice a day, zyrtec once a day, prevacid once a day and alternating tylenol and advil all day. 

I fear that we are in for a lot of this with the ear infections…even with the zyrtec, he is still pretty stuffy, meaning lots of potential for stuff to stew up in his sinuses and become infection.  For the food allergy we’re meeting with a nutritionist next week to talk about working in the low allergy stuff and trying to keep his weight gain steady, hopefully without overconcetrating his formula anymore.  Which is a bit of a day late and dollar short since we only have one more month of formula. (Can I get a WOO WOO! on no more formula? I am so fucking sick of counting and stressing about every ounce that he does, or doesn’t take.  He eats his solids eagerly, so knock on wood, once we make that turn we can get all his nutrition from solids and never look back.)

Beyond all that, he is still so sunny and cute and fun and squishy and loveable and awesome that I can’t believe what I ever did without him.  It’s hard to believe that we are coming up on a whole year old.  He’s so big, but still such a little guy with so much more amazing development in front of him.  I want to freeze time and fast forward all at once.

What the hell happened to April? May 20, 2009

Seriously. And while we’re at it-it’s Memorial Day Weekend already? Granted, it’s early this year, but still-damn.  Time is just absolutely flying by.  I’ve had so many posts rattling around in my head, but never have found the time or motivation to get them down.  I’ve dropped out of Facebook entirely, have let e-mail comms lapse, and have been just generally out of touch with everyone except family.

In early April, Squidge and I survived our first separation.  I actually have to say, it wasn’t all that bad.  Don’t get me wrong, coming back at the end of the trip I couldn’t WAIT to get to the sitter’s and get my hands on him and squeeze the stuffing out of him.  But while I was in Maine, we were occupied pretty much the whole time with visitation and funeral and family stuff (and oh, yeah, spending the wee hours of the last morning at the ER with Salsera) that I didn’t really have time to pine for him. 

To tell the truth, it was actually kind of a relief to go to bed knowing with certainty no one would be waking me up in the middle of the night (a streak interrupted by the 2 a.m. ER trek), or dreading feedings and counting  ounces.  If he ate shitty while I wasn’t around, so be it, out of my hands, and by the time I find out about it, it will be a new day and too late to do anything about.  But when I’m there, I add up the ounces through the day and try to calculate the exact best time to feed him again to maximize the number of good feedings for the rest of the day.

Yes, sigh. We are still having eating “problems.” Again, some more.  Leading up to Squidge’s nine month appointment, I was so pleased. His thighs were getting little rolls of chub, he’d been eating pretty well, and generally seemed to be filling out and growing.  I was sure we were continuing the trend of good weight gain we had set between his 6 and 7 month weigh-ins.  However, the pound and a half he gained from 7-9 months were not enough to keep him on the steady growth curve he had been on. 

His pediatrician was…I guess ‘disapproving’ is the right word.  He told me I had to get more calories in Squidge with solids, without reducing the amount of formula he was taking. Hello? Are you new? It is a fight for every ounce that he takes. Exactly how the fuck am I supposed to still get him to take that much when his belly is full of solids? 

The whole visit was completely discouraging and I’m thinking about changing pediatricians.  He was also a Debbie Downer about Squidge’s motor development-he was negative about the fact that Squidge wasn’t consistently crawling on all fours and does not push himself up to sitting position.  And actually, he is dead wrong that Squidge would be considered “delayed” on those things at 9 months.  His physical therapist had just told me two days before that they have until 10 months to reach those goals before they start to worry about a delay.  He just seems to have a very rigid (and inaccurate) definition of what is “normal” with no conception of the fact that every kid is just a little bit different. 

I almost always leave there feeling like I am doing something wrong.  It’s not that I want someone to blow sunshine up my ass when there is reason to be concerned and not be proactive at identifying and correcting problems early.  But there has got to be a happy medium in there somewhere.

And anyway, Squidge started crawling full-time by the end of that week. Now it is impossible to keep him corralled anywhere, he moves like lightening!  He is so proud of himself and happy and fun right now.  We are having an awesome spring!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This one is kind of old, but still cute (in my completely unbiased opinion)…

Make sure you have your sound turned on.

Separation Anxiety April 6, 2009

I am leaving Squidgey with Miguel for the next three days.  My grandmother died and I have to go to Maine for the funeral.  (She was 87 and has been suffering from Alzheimers the last several years so…not a tragedy, I guess is the nicest way to put it. The tragedy was the Alzheimers robbing us of our last years with her.) 

Originally I figured I’d pack him up and bring him along with me, but logistically, it doesn’t really make a ton of sense.  So Miguel gets him all to himself for three whole mornings and two whole nights.  Ack.  Even tho Miguel is perfectly capable of keeping Squidgey alive and well for three whole days, the control freak in me is screaming (4 clean bottles and 21oz of water go in the diaper bag for the sitter! Wash nipples in HOT water! Wash his face and hands as soon as you pick him up from the sitter! Etc.!). Not to mention the fact that Squidge will be at the sitter a large chunk of that time-Miguel will only have him (awake) an hour or so in the morning and then an hour and a half or so at night before bed.  How much can he screw up then? 

But the whole thing makes me sad/nervous/worried about Squidge.  He’ll be at the sitter 2 and a half hours longer than usual-when the older kids get off the bus and things are a lot more hectic.  I’m the only one who gets him up and gets him ready for the sitter on weekdays, I’m usually the one who puts him to bed (not that Miguel is useless, he comes up for jammie changing, turning on the fan, humidifier, etc., and gets us all settled to eat and go to sleep). I’m the one who picks him up from the sitter, the one who feeds him his solids.  It’s one thing for Miguel to put him to bed once in a while, or get him up on the weekends…it’s another for me to disappear entirely for several days.  Won’t he wonder what happened to me?  On top of all this, he has a cold, which I hope is getting better, and doesn’t worsen while I’m gone. 

I’m sure he’ll be fine and all this worry will be for nothing.  I’ll get back and he’ll be all “Oh, yeah. You. Nice to see you again.”  I’m the one who will have been a wreck, not being able to hold and cuddle his warm little body close.  I guess it will be good practice since Miguel and I will be going to London next month and my parents will be watching Squidge. (Is it wrong that I feel about 100 times more confident about my parent’s ability to watch him than my husband’s?)