Workout Freakout July 31, 2007

I have to decide this week whether I’m going to stick with new gym or not. If I cancel now, I will get back the initiation fee and first month membership. 

I have gone back and forth on this so many times; I literally can’t make a decision.  Things new gym has going for it are that it is cheaper than current gym and much closer to home.  However, right now, the class schedule is not ideal, and that’s really all I’m going for.  M,W,F I can make their 4:30 classes and be home by 5:45ish which is nice, but Monday and Wednesday are yoga and strictly strength, so not the hard cardio workouts I need to burn fat.  I’ve taken the Friday 4:30 50/50 one once, and I wouldn’t say it really kicked my ass like some of the classes at old gym do.  The harder cardio classes don’t start those days until 5:45, meaning I wouldn’t get home until 7, which is late when you need to make dinner, love on the dog, take the dog for a walk, talk to your husband, pay some bills or do some work, check personal e-mail, and unwind with some TV or a book before going to bed at a decent hour (in order to get up at the crack o’ass the next day and do it all over again-wheee!).  Tuesday& Thursday, there are NO classes until 5:45.  I’ve been told the schedule is shifting in September, but they can’t tell me yet to what.

The other drawback of staying at this club is that it doesn’t have any prenatal classes.  If we are successful and I do get pregnant, I could freeze this membership tho, and pay by the class at old gym. I just wouldn’t have as much choice in number of classes (they have swim, yoga and step, and each is x a month, so I could afford maybe 2 classes instead of all 3, and wouldn’t have the ability to go on days there aren’t class and do other stuff—because I do that all the time now and I’m sure I totally will when pregnant…)

The final problem with new gym is that it is a more family oriented club with A LOT more kid activities, so it’s kind of a zoo.  It is extremely likely that as I’m rushing in and out, I get stuck behind a toddler lollygagging along with its head up its butt.  There have also been 11 and 12 year olds prancing around in the workout areas and in classes, which is distracting and annoying.  So right now it is annoying.  But again, I hope to someday soon have my very own wandering toddler, which would make this club a better fit then.

I don’t know, the old gym is familiar, so maybe I just don’t want to alter my routine. After 3+ years, I’m a regular and know the instructors and a handful of members so it’s a little friendlier.  I’m not very outgoing, so I feel awkward and uncomfortable in new situations, like classes where I don’t know anybody. I’m intimidated by the soccer mom cliques at the new gym (I’m assuming, as I imagine very few people who work are able to make a 4:30 class) so I just put on my bitchface (apparently) and stand in my corner until someone else makes the first overture.  I have social issues, but that’s another post!

I like the workout I get at the classes I got to, even though the schedule there is not perfect either.  Classes start as late as 5:15, so with commute I don’t get home until 6:45/7 some days and there are no Thursday or Friday classes (well there is a Thursday one, but I hate it with a burning passion).

At old gym, I have my spot, where I stand for every class, and woe to anyone who tries to steal it.  At new gym, I’m still floating around the room trying to find my spot and people there are no good at respecting your space.  It’s called staggering people. You do NOT plop your step right in front of mine!

Also, I know the whole cast of bizarre characters at my old gym…If I quit, I will miss shuffley old guys 1 and 2, middle age ass-slapping man, crazy asian stick lady with her sweat towel tied around her WAIST-because she can, hunchy cranky lady, no rhythm dude, uber trying too hard lady and more.  Of course, new gym I’m sure will have its share of characters as well. So far, we have the yoga farter and the no coordination or rhythm scarecrow.

Compounding my difficulty is that I haven’t felt very motivated to go to either gym very much this month, and have been busy with travel as well, so I didn’t kick the tires on new gym as much as I should have.  Gah! This shouldn’t be so hard. I just need to pick one!!!

Trashmobile July 27, 2007

So this post at Pesky made me laugh.  Miguel is always accusing me of not keeping my car neat enough, going so far as to call me Slobetta-which I do not even come close to her level of slob (can anyone say cat barf left on the carpet to moulder for DAYS?). 

Shortly after I saw Pesky’s post, I came across the car of Slobetta’s long lost cousin in a parking lot. I could not believe my eyes.  The guy getting out of it was your stereotypical middle manager in a short sleeved dress shirt with tie, not some sloppy teenager or something.   How do people live like this?

Close up:

Backseat:

I guess no one ever has to worry about having to get into his filth-mobile, because there is literally no room in there, except for the driver’s seat.  Thank god for the cell phone camera, because words just would not have done this justice.

The Hurrier I Go, The Behinder I Get July 25, 2007

Ugh, tedious database work today.  I have been fried all week. Like blinking at my desk to stay awake. I brought this stuff home last night to do in front of the tv, but by the time I’d gone to the gym, made a batch of gazpacho, walked the dog and showered, I didn’t even want to catch up on tv in the DVR. I went straight to bed, before 9.  That never happens. I got an okay night sleep until Miguel was up wandering at 4:30.  Then I slept fitfully and had some really BIZARRE dreams until the alarm went off.  

Nothing to See Here… July 24, 2007

Miguel and I both got our required blood tests out of the way last week (Yes, I had to go back AGAIN, because they didn’t order all the tests they needed the first time they had someone stick me with a needle).  So far no word that either of us has the Syph, so that’s good.  I am curious to see what all they ordered b/c they took NINE vials of blood.  I guess I made it pretty clear that I was unhappy about going back, so they made sure to order everything that they might possibly need this time.  Now it’s just waiting for my period to show and going through the steps in the insemination.  I probably won’t write about this again for a while-It’s bad enough that I’ll be on pins and needles waiting to see if it takes, I don’t want the added pressure of everyone else (my whole two readers) waiting as well.

We had company over the weekend, so there was a last minute whirlwind of getting ready for that and then we were busy entertaining (drinking) all weekend.  Our guest room bathtub is apparently bizarrely narrow and sloped, causing it to be slippery.  I’ve tried various suction cup bath mats and also the little suction cup decals, but they don’t work as well as the old-school adhesive style butterflies and shells.  They still slide around. But I can’t find the adhesive ones anywhere to save my life. 

Anywho, this weekend, the guys were gone and the wife of our company was upstairs showering when I heard a mighty crash. Sigh. I am a mean person, because I find this person borderline repulsive; she’s overweight, lazy, klutzy, always suffering from some malady (probably from hauling around all that extra weight), and is a slob in general.  So of course, my 60 old mother with the hip problem can negotiate the shower, but Slobetta would be the one to fall down.  And as I went upstairs to knock on the door, all I could think to myself was “Please don’t make me have to haul naked Slobetta out of the tub, PLEASE.”  Luckily, she just suffered a bruise on her leg.  Seriously, I don’t know if she has some kind of coordination problem or what.  Either way, I ordered some hotel style tub treads online to avert any future tragedy.

Being so busy, I haven’t yet succumbed to Potter mania; I haven’t seen the latest movie or bought the book yet. I’m trying to remain unspoiled on the book. I like to reread all the prior books before diving in to the new one, and since I’m currently stuck on “You on a Diet” (BORING! Therefore, slow read) and cheating on it with Vera Wang/Target, it will be a while before I get around to that.

I never did give you all an update on the New Hampshire trip. Work-wise, it was borderline interesting, but there was a lot of standing around watching someone else film things and occasionally taking pictures.  While it is the sucky land of sucky cell phone reception, it was a gorgeous visit. The weather was perfect and we were able to go to mountains and the beach all in one day.  The trees and lush green moss and ferns growing by the roadside remind me of living in Massachusetts when I was little. Very different from the treeless flat surburban wasteland of the Midwest.  And even though, they have only a small stretch of coastline, Hampton Beach was great.  It had a nice big expanse of warm sand to sink your toes into as you approached the water, with decent sized waves breaking on the beach.  I just love that salt air smell. I wish I could bottle it.  Of course, the night we went to the beach, I forgot the camera like a big dummy.  I did manage some nice mountain pix tho.

Hopes. Not. Up. At All. July 19, 2007

The test results are in and the conclusion is, well, Miguel just doesn’t make very much sperm.  The urologist was a complete dick and I feel like we’ve just wasted a month on this and didn’t learn anything.  I got all three test results last Wednesday, but then I was traveling in New Hampshire, the land of no cell phone reception (seriously, if I lived there, I wouldn’t even bother owning a cell phone, coverage is so shitty).  So I called the doc’s office Monday and left a message that I wanted to speak with him and get his analysis of the results.  His nurse called me on Tuesday saying he’d wrote her a note back to call me and give me the results.  Um, duh, I already have the results, I want to TALK to someone about what they MEAN. Jaysus.

So he finally called me Wednesday and was all shifty-like, “Oh, so you want to do that instead of coming into the office?” and I told him Miguel was busy, didn’t have time off work, and if he didn’t physically need to examine Miguel or anything then why would we have to come in?  He beat around the bush some more until it became clear…Answer: so the doctor can bill me and get paid, for explaining my test results.  AFTER we sat for a fucking hour in his office waiting for him last time. He should fucking pay me.

I asked if he couldn’t just bill me for an office consult and he said that he couldn’t b/c the insurance companies have a problem with that. I explained that this was considered fertility, not covered by insurance, so we were private pay, now can I get my fucking results?

So basically he blah blah’d that results are still low, but not terrible, and just concluded that Miguel does not make a lot of swimmers, with no obvious cause.  It’s just a numbers game and we’d gotten pregnant before so just keep at it…obviously the more technology you use, the better your chances.  I got to ask a few questions re: whether or not he’d be able to detect a blockage or varicocele on his physical exam, whether or not the high number of abnormal forms contributed to my miscarriage last time, and if he agreed with repro specialist that chlomid for Miguel could help.  And then, he totally rushed me off the phone. He actually said “well, we’ve been at this about 10 minutes or so, so…”!  I can’t wait to see the bill and how much it works out to a minute.

Anyway, so even though repro specialist is still pessimistic, we are going to go ahead with a round of artificial insemination at the next opportunity.  Miguel will start taking chlomid to see if that has any effect on his counts, although it’s unlikely we’ll see a result for this round.  The doc counseled waiting until he’d been on it for a month to see if it had an effect first, but if it doesn’t, then we’re still going to try AI, and then we just lost a month waiting. No harm in trying this month, and then continuing with the chlomid if we need a next round.  Miguel also has to get blood drawn for routine screen for HIV, Hep and Syph (they tested mine when they did the tay sachs test I assume).  They require it…which seems a bit silly since if we were just going at it at home like normal people and making babies that way, nobody would be giving us a blood test first.  It’s no big deal, but every little step in this process feels like a road block.

Then, when I get my period, I go in and do a dye test to verify my tubes are open and get a baseline ultrasound. I start taking chlomid for 5 days, then I go back in for an ultrasound to verify that I’ve released some eggs.  If all goes well and there are plenty o eggs floating around, they give me a shot to trigger release of the eggs and then within 36 hours, we go back in and send Miguel’s sperms through a catheter into my uterus to make sweet love to my eggs.  This is the quick and dirty explanation I got from the doctor; I still need to research the internets for a fuller explanation. 

Having extra eggs hanging around gives Miguel’s little swimmers more of a chance of bumping into one to fertilize, and carries a small risk that he will bump into more than one.  However, given that with the amount of swimmers we’re talking about and their swimming ability, the chances of our success with just one baby are only 10-12% to begin with, so the odds of hitting the twin or triplet jackpot would be very minimal.

So…fingers crossed, trying not to be very zen and relaxed about this; we’ll see…But had to yell at myself to step away from the clearance rack at Target where cute maternity tops were on sale…because I totally already bought one this weekend on clearance at Meijer. I know, I know, counting the chickens before they hatch, etc., but it was really cute though; and perfect for work…sigh.  So much for not getting my hopes up.  Easier said than done. How do you trick your brain into really truly not stressing about it?

Sick this Morning July 18, 2007

Caught some radio coverage this morning about the dogfighting charges against Michael Vick and I am completely disgusted and horrified by the things he is charged with.  For those of you who don’t know, he is accused of running a dogfight operation in VA and treating the animals in a even more inhumane way (if that’s possible) than just forcing them to fight to the death.  It’s alleged that he hung, drowned beat and electrocuted dogs that would not fight.

Even more disgusting was the clip they played of him claiming people still love him so no big deal.  And Nike, his biggest sponsor, has taken no action to drop him.  Innocent until proven guilty and all that, but it is a fact that he owned that property and facilitated this practice, which should be enough that Nike is concerned about the smudge on their reputation.

I sent an e-mail to Nike this morning calling them out on it and letting them know that I won’t be buying Nike again this lifetime unless Vick is dropped immediately.  We’ll see how much love Vick feels when all of his sponsors pull out and the NFL drops him (which I fervently hope they will do).  Please go to Nike.com and NFL.com and send them the message that their customers and fans won’t tolerate their glorification of human garbage.

Eyeball Adventure, Part Deux July 17, 2007

Okay, so we finally got going on the surgery, several hours late.  All the nurses were bustling around, covering things in plastic and laying out sterile instruments, and I was given a little 2×2 area to stand in (obviously, can’t be breathing down the surgeon’s neck, and could not come within the sterile field of various instrument tables positioned around the small room).

Then they wheeled the patient in.  I felt a little bad for him being all vulnerable and about to have his eyeball poked.  They got the anesthesia going and continued prepping.  Then, he started fighting the sedation and flailing his arms all around.  So they had to give him a “block”-meaning that they had to put him on a respirator and put him completely under.  So we got sent out to the hall for another half hour.  When we came back in, he was out and all draped up with just his eyeball showing.

I was trying very hard not to focus too closely on what was going on in the eyeball area, and just getting some general pictures.  Before too long, they turned off the overhead lights and were operating by the light put out from the instruments, shooting entirely into eyeball.  So the room was very dark, and it was very hard to shoot.  Obviously, using flash was out; I didn’t want to distract the surgeon while he was in someone’s eyeball.  So messing around with my camera settings, trying to capture a darkened scene, and get shots when the surgeon’s hands were not in my way (again, little hard to pose the doc mid-surgery) kept me occupied for most of the surgery and kept my mind off what I was actually looking at.  Luckily the eyeball is relatively small and the incisions are little and not very bloody.  A full open-body cavity would have done me in.

Oh, but then he started sort of shaking in the middle of surgery, so they had to stop and figure out what was going on.  Then there was some stuff with a laser and the doc was turning to his assistant and telling her to go ahead and close up.  Unfortunately, we still had to stand around and wait because we wanted to get some more shots of the equipment once the sterile plastic drapes had been removed.  I asked the rep I was with exactly what was involved in “closing up” since apparently a non-doctor can do it, and he said, “Oh she’s suturing his eyeball, come look!”  Um, no thanks. I’ve made it this far without booting, I’d like to keep it that way.

And then it was over and I turned in my scrubs and went home.  I took over 200 pictures and am about halfway done processing them all.  I got a couple really good shots that I’m very proud of.  I just need to go through the rest and see if there are any other hidden gems.  It’s tedious comparing so many similar shots for the subtle differences in focus, lighting, depth of field and positioning that make a better shot.  I would never make it as a full time photographer.

Next posts: New Hampshire last week, update on the sperm situation.

My Excellent Eyeball Adventure July 10, 2007

One of the companies I work with makes the lenses that are used by eye doctors and eye surgeons for exams and surgery.  They’ve developed a new piece of equipment, basically a lens holding and positioning device, that they wanted me to come and take some photos of.  I floated the idea of getting some shots of the equipment “in use” as these photos are much more illustrative and interesting than a plain lens or hunk of metal sitting on a backdrop. 

Notice the quotes around “in use” as we typically fake up these shots so that it looks like equipment is being used but not really (Stand there, pretend like you’re pushing that button and thinking really hard about water treatment…).  Basically what I wanted was an OR with an operating microscope we could attach the equipment to and someone in a scrub top to lean in over a “patient” on the table. 

So I got up to Cleveland and found out that we had been set up to observe an actual surgery.  You have to understand that when I get my eye publications (yes, there are fascinating titles out there like Ocular Surgery News, Ophthalmology Management and EyeWorld), I flip through them with one hand, while the other is splayed over my eyes, in case I should turn the page and come to a close up of an eyeball with a needle or scalpel sticking out of it (a disturbingly frequent occurrence).  I will live with my substandard contact-corrected vision for life as my doctor only got as far as “they make an incision and peel back the flap” in his lasik description when my stomach heaved. (PEEL. a FLAP. In your EYEBALL!)  I cover my eyes during the gross parts of ER and Grey’s Anatomy.  But all the eye company people were acting like it was no big deal, so I had to sack up and get through it.

After learning that I had never been in an OR before when I wasn’t a patient, my colleague advised me not to go in on an empty stomach.  After grabbing a bagel, it was an hour ride up to Youngstown.

So we headed on down to the outpatient surgery center and marched up to the nurses station, encircled by gurneys filled with people waiting for various kinds of procedures; it felt very intrusive to be standing around there with my camera bag (“Hi! Would you like me to take your picture?”). 

But then the best part happened.  The nurse took us into the back and stopped in front a flat machine against the wall, which read, I shit you not, “Scrub-o-matic.”  It was a vending machine–for scrubs!  The nurse asked our sizes, and fearing that I be tripping in overly long scrubs if I did a larger size, I optimistically said “Small.”  And then she waved a card at the thing, pushed some buttons, opened up a door which had one little compartment open behind it, and pulled out a set of scrubs.  I felt like the Jettsons.  It sounds a little lame now, I’m not doing it justice, it was hella cool…

Until I started to pull those size small scrubs up over my hips.  How embarrassing would it be to go back out there and be all “Um, hey, can we visit the Scrub-o-matic again? I have a fat ass.”  Luckily, the top was long enough to cover up the tightness and VPL in the butt/upper thigh area.  We added a little shower cap, mask and shoe booties to complete the look.

Then there was a lot of standing and waiting around before the surgery actually began.  But even that was exciting as there was some seriously hot gossip in the hospital that day!  Apparently, a dental surgery resident had gotten popped selling Oxycontin scrips, and when they came to arrest him at the hospital, he fled! Jailbreak! And there was now a warrant out for his arrest!  Every time a new doc or nurse came up to the station it was all “Did you hear?  He was such a nice guy. What a waste, his life is over.  How’d he get away from the cops? Did he bust through the emergency exit? I heard he was having trouble with his ex-wife and needed money. Etc., etc.,” Just like a TV hospital drama!

And it took my mind off the fact that I would be soon standing in a room with a real live patient about to have his eyeball cut into, and I was supposed to take pictures of it.  Every time I let myself think about it, I got a little lightheaded.  I just didn’t want to embarrass myself in front of everyone.

Part II, the actual surgery, to come later.

Straight Answers Optional July 9, 2007

What the hell people? When we saw the urologist, he was pretty clear that our counts were bad, but not awful for artificial insemination.  Miguel went for second follow up test Saturday (third total) and the nurse told him results of the last test were better than the first (7 something to the billion instead of 4) and was all oh yeah, we do inseminations like this all the time, etc.

So I called the repro specialist to get the ball rolling while we’re waiting on last test and he was all still like, well IVF would still be the treatment course indicated for that type of count, artificial insemination would still have a very low success rate, and then he was asking details about the results I don’t have b/c I haven’t gotten them officially from urologist.  So he’s supposed to call the urologist and get the full set of numbers before calling me back. 

IVF is not an option for us. We’ve discussed it, and we’re just not willing to bring a child into this world with empty bank accounts (b/c we’ve drained them having a baby), nor do we want to face the impossible decisions involved in IVF.  We want one child and one child only.  So if you get 3 good embryos, and you just spent 7 grand on them, how do you take the risk of only implanting one that might fail?  How do you implant 3, have all of them take, and then either have triplets or decide to selectively reduce them?  We just don’t want to put ourselves into the position to have to make or live with those kinds of decisions. 

So now it’s sitting here trying to concentrate on work while waiting for repro specialist to call back. 

Monday Monday July 9, 2007

Still busy at work, with another trip to New Hampshire looming to do some video production Weds-Fri this week, so need to scramble and get desk work done before I go. 

Weekend was good; Saturday was busy and Sunday was utterly lazy and enjoyable.  Saturday morning I checked out the new gym with a Total Conditioning class; it was supposed to be Cardio Kickbox but they had the schedules all abbreviated for the grand opening.  The instructor was crazy! Like a Saturday Night Live caricature of an aerobics instructor on speed.  I seriously don’t think she took a breath the whole class…and it was a hard class.  We did a push up series that lasted a good 10 minutes straight.  And then did the same pretty much with biceps and shoulders. I was like, bitch, you wore out my arms in the first 10 minutes, now I can’t raise them over my head.  They are still stiff and sore this morning. 

I’m not sure I’m going to like this new gym. It is absolutely beautiful, I will give them that.  But some of the practical stuff is like, huh?  There are no overhead fans in the aerobics rooms, the water fountains don’t have bottle filling spigots (prolly so you have to buy a protein drink in the fitness café) , and in the locker room there is a gleaming row of a dozen sinks, with only one paper towel holder on each end-by the time you get to it, your hands would air dry.  Just not really well thought out in terms of user functionality.  Additionally, I think that the atmosphere is just a little too gung ho for me.  What with the nonstop bullshit babble throughout workout, the encouragement to wear a personal heart rate monitor to stay in the exact right zone, it’s all a little over zealous for me.  I’m lucky I dragged my ass out of bed, and am just trying to get to the end without barfing.  I tend to be turned off by zealotry over anything.

Then I had to go to grocery store to pick up ingredients for dinner club.  My contribution to the cheese theme was saganaki again (for those who missed the cheese on fire last month at Greek night) and mini chocolate raspberry cheesecakes.  I also removed all the gross, moldy caulk from my shower stall and scrubbed out everything with bleach.  Why does it get so gross? It’s not like I don’t clean; isn’t the point of the caulk so water DOESN’T get behind it to mold out? 

Then it was off to dinner club where we had:

• Grilled bruschetta with goat cheese and Monterey Jack cheeses
• Veggies and cheese dip
• Reuben dip (cream cheese based dip topped with swiss)
• Fruit with fruit dip (cream cheese again)
• Alton Brown’s mac n cheese casserole
• Fancy grilled cheese sandwiches; including one with sharp cheddar and granny smiths and another with goat cheese and plum tomatoes
• Salad with balsamic, craisins, pine nuts and goat cheese

Topped off with: a chocolate fountain.  Did not fit the cheese theme, but sooo good.

Sunday I slept in until 9ish, lounged in bed with Miguel, watched a couple movies and dozed on the couch, and ran to Lowe’s for caulk, but did not install.  Just very very lazy.  The most productive thing I did was prep some cucumber, strawberries and hard boiled eggs for lunches this week (getting back on the healthy eating kick after month and a half long post vacation binge).

Still have to cover my eyeball surgery story from last week; but I must get to work processing pictures from said photo shoot!  Maybe tomorrow (which now I feel pressure to make it the best story ever, what with all the build up….)