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Second Verse, Different from the First August 30, 2007

Filed under: ?Baby? — booksunread @ 12:33 pm

Saw the new doctor yesterday.  What a complete 180 from the previous experience.  They were all thorough and efficient and organized and shit. How refreshing.

I sat down with the doc first and he took my medical history and we discussed what we’d already tried.  Then, I got an actual physical exam-with an ultrasound and everything-novel concept! Then they did a blood draw right there in the office to get an additional test not ordered by the previous doctor.  And then the doctor sat down with me again to discuss my treatment plan and answer my questions.  Finally, the nurse came in with all the Rxs and info we need for the full cycle.  I was there an entire hour; and not just sitting in the waiting room or exam room twiddling my thumbs, I was being seen/doing something the whole time.

I like this doc, because I feel like he isn’t try to “upsell” me.  He put the kibosh on the HSG test (a $500 optional test to see if my tubes are open)-he said given that we’d already had a successful non-tubal conception, that was pretty good evidence that my pipes were in working order.  He also did not push us immediately towards IVF.  He is pretty optimistic that Miguel’s counts, volume and motility give us a good shot with IUI. 

In fact, when I told him we were starting to consider IVF as an option, he said that while it was, of course, a slam dunk, it was quite a bit more expensive and wasn’t something we needed to jump right to.  He counseled us to be patient and if IUI wasn’t successful after a fixed endpoint, then we could consider IVF.  The other doctor was very pessimistic about Miguel’s numbers and made it seem like IVF was our only real option. 

The one thing that he told me that was completely counter to what the old doctors office had told me was that I was right, the chlomid is supposed to get me to make extra eggs.  He said that he likes to see 3 or so eggs, but he cancels your cycle at 5.  So he was kind of concerned as to why I was on the double dose of chlomid (he was going to start me on the lower dose to make sure that we didn’t overshoot and end up with 5+ eggs), but only seemed to have one egg.  So he put the dose back up to the double dose. 

Of course, now I’m worrying about exactly why I was on a double dose in the first place and exactly how many follicles I had and why we only triggered with one fully developed follicle and what happened to the rest of them…the new practice is doing the chlomid days 3-7 with the ultrasound and trigger on day 12, insemination on day 14.  The old practice did chlomid days 2-6, ultrasound on day 7, trigger on day 8, insemination on day 10, so it all went much faster.  I’m worried if I go longer on the new clinic’s plan with the double dose, I’ll end up with too many eggs and be cancelled.

I am going to call new doctor and ask him to call old doctor and see if he can find out more detail on why it went so fast and how many follicles I had on the day 7 ultrasound.  I think old doctor will be amenable to helping new doctor out, given how everything ended up shaking out.

Rather than sit here wondering and worrying this cycle, I am going to ask questions and be much more proactive. I’ve also decided to do acupuncture as a complimentary therapy.  Given that I am a brooder and a worrier, I have a hard time following the “just relax and it’ll happen when you least expect it” advice (as evidenced by the long and windy posts here on this topic.  I can assure you, as much as I’ve written about it here, I’ve thought about it approximately eleventy billion times that.  In the past, when I’ve needed to smooth those rough edges, I’ve taken wellbutrin.  I don’t want to be taking it while I’m trying or pregnant.  I just think the less drugs I’m on, the better. 

I knew a friend of a friend had tried acupuncture after a couple miscarriages and difficulty conceiving and she speaks very highly of it.  I asked the doctor about it yesterday and he was all for it.  I was a little hesitant because of the cost, but when I thought about it, I realized we blow as much as a session costs on going out for a single dinner; we could definitely find money in the budget for it.

So I’m feeling cautiously hopeful going into this next cycle.

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Meh August 28, 2007

Filed under: ?Baby?,Battle of the Scale,Daily Grind — booksunread @ 12:32 pm

Birthday weekend was pretty anticlimactic.  I guess when you get older, it’s a little bit much to expect that dancing bears clutching a fist full of balloons will be following you around all day long (what? it would be fun).

So anyway, it was just kind of mopey and meh and then we had to go to that game.  Which wasn’t bad.  All Miguel’s coworkers and their spouses are really nice so it was a pleasant evening. Just, you know, nothing exciting.

Sunday, I caught up with housework and FINALLY finished Harry Potter 5.  That was a big long damn book.  Now I’m whizzing through 6, so I can catch up with the rest of the world and read the 7th and final book.  And even though it came out over a month ago, I’m still unspoiled, so: shhh if you’ve read it already.  It’s a good thing I went back and reread, because I seriously did not remember anything that happens in this book.  I still don’t remember and I’m like 100 pages from the end. 

(Oh, and I so never went to the gym to work out this weekend. I did go twice to roast my fat ass by the pool though.)

I decided this weekend to scrap the current clinic and go with the new one.  It means we will miss this cycle, but oh well.  I had called and left the doctor a message last Thursday and no one ever called me back and that was just the last straw after all the little incidents of miscommunication and confusion I felt throughout the cycle.

I wrote them a 3 page letter detailing my unhappiness and why I was switching.  That’s the beauty of paying for this out of pocket, I can just take my tipped uterus and my checkbook elsewhere.  Then I called to ask them to have my record together and the doctor actually answered and of course, I ended up getting into some of it on the phone as far as where I felt there were break downs in the process.  So I will be picking up my records today, and seeing the new doctor tomorrow. 

I’m still anxiously awaiting the arrival of my replacement earbuds.  That was yesterday’s excuse for not getting on the stair climber for 20 mins after yoga class as planned.  I did take the dog for a brisk 2 mile walk last night, but I had planned to do both.  I just still can’t seem to get back in the rhythm of eating healthy (the entire b-day cake Miguel’s boss sent home with us Saturday has not helped), and sticking to a gym schedule.  Tomorrow, I have a hair appointment after work so no gym and then this weekend we are heading out of town for my friend’s wedding, so will be missing Friday, Saturday and Sunday again.  Next week, man. I’ll totally start next week.

 

Birthday Friday! Woot! Woot! August 24, 2007

Filed under: Battle of the Scale — booksunread @ 12:55 pm

Okay, so my birthday isn’t until tomorrow, but when your birthday falls on the weekend, you get the whole weekend. What? It’s a rule.

I feel bad because this week has not been a stellar success in terms of the whole eating better/going to the gym promise I made last Friday.  I made it to kick boxing on Saturday, but let Miguel talk me into blueberry pancakes on Sunday morning.  Monday, I had the water softener guy there in the afternoon, and as he was 45 minutes late getting there, I had missed all the classes by the time he finished.  Tuesday, I went to class at old gym. Wednesday I had an alumnae group dinner at PF Chang’s (no healthy menu options there, really; although I didn’t eat any fried egg rolls or wontons or anything).

Yesterday, we had a big meeting here with catered in lunch and an awesome lemon pound cake that was very awesome.  Did I mention it was awesome? It only took me 3 pieces to reach that conclusion.  And then, we went to a ball game-another work event, so there were a couple beers and some peanuts and some bbq.  Today, I have a pedi after work, and tomorrow is my birthday.  As of right now, I’m still planning to go to the gym, but I’m fairly certain that when the alarm goes off, I will use the “fuck it, it’s my birthday” excuse and go back to sleep. 

I’m still trying to decide how I want to spend my b-day.  I’m thinking if I do go to the gym, I will just stay and hang out by the pool and read. I’m still trying to finish HP5, so I can read 6 so I can finally read 7.  I just haven’t had much time for reading.  If I don’t go to the pool, I just want to read and nap-basically be left alone.  I feel bad for Miguel, b/c I’m sure he’s going to want to do something to make up for the fact that tomorrow night we have a ball game at his work suite.  Not exactly what I wanted to be doing on my b-day-making corporate wife small talk with peeps I don’t know.  But he’s still new at his job so it’s important bonding for him.

Speaking of things you don’t want to do on your b-day, this was the convo we had this morning”
Miguel: “Man the shower is getting kind of gross.”
Me: “Too bad we don’t have a magic shower cleaning fairy.”
Him: “Well, good thing we have a cleaning lady.”
Me: “I can tell you I will not be scrubbing the fucking shower on my birthday-that’s for damn sure.”
Him: “Me neither.”
Me: “Well good thing it’s not your birthday, then! Get scrubbing!”

That’s what he can get me for my b-day, he can clean the bathrooms, dust, do my laundry and put away the 80 pairs of shoes I have scattered throughout the house.

 

NEXT! August 23, 2007

Filed under: ?Baby? — booksunread @ 12:21 pm

So, round one IUI was unsuccessful we found out yesterday. Negative test.  I’ve been writing about the process right along, so I’m going to go through and post all those drafts for those of you interested in reading about it.  If you’re at all squeemish about girl parts, you might want to skip it.  I’m going to back post them by date; probably the easiest way to find them is to search by the “baby” category.

I’m doing okay with it so far…had a couple teary moments yesterday and this morning reading Sundry’s posts here and here.  Of course, yesterday everywhere I went there were pregnant women, which is hard for me to see.  I tried my best to contain my bitter, jealous feelings and refrain from giving them dirty looks; after all, it’s not their fault I’m not pregnant.

When I called the doctor’s office yesterday to tell them about my negative test they said, “okay, stop taking the prometrium and call us on the first day of your next cycle if you want to try again.”  Literally, that was all she said.  No words of consolation or even a simple “I’m sorry to hear that.”  That is pretty indicative of the the level of service I’ve gotten from this clinic right along.  I hope like hell I can get into the new clinic in time for my next cycle.

And even if I don’t, I’m going to insist that this cycle the IUI is performed by one of the doctors in the practice, and not an unsupervised Fellow.   Apparently a Fellow is full fledged M.D., but they are in the process of getting their speciality training.  At the time of my insemination, I was already half naked in the stirrups when the nurse and just a Fellow (without one of the practice docs) came in.  I wasn’t entirely sure at that time what being a Fellow meant, and I also didn’t really feel like I speak up and say something at that point.

Through this whole process I’ve ended up kicking myself after docotors visits and phone calls, for not getting all my questions answered.  I guess I’m afraid of looking stupid, or being annoying.  But with the kind of money we’re paying, I need to get over it and get everything out of it that I can.

Oh, and I don’t think I wrote about the best part of the experience with the Fellow. Immediately after the insemination, as soon as they got out into the hallway, I heard the Fellow and the nurse completely lose their shit laughing.  Now, I’m sure it was over something innocent like the fact that the doctor answered when the nurse asked ME how I was doing, but it is definitely not what you want to hear as a patient.

So yeah, fingers crossed for the new clinic.  If not, I am going to lay out to the current clinic all the ways in which I was unhappy with this cycle. I’m sure it will sound like sour grapes of a failed cycle to them, but tough shit, if nobody says anything, then nothing will change.

 

Crotchety Old Lady August 22, 2007

Filed under: Daily Grind — booksunread @ 12:55 pm

Why is everything new such an almighty pain in the ass? My quest continues for a set of headphones in order to be able to use my new phone in the manner which I intended to when I purchased it.  I want to be able to listen to music in stereo and be able to pick up calls and talk hands free. Is that so hard?

The standard stereo ear bud/mic package that is offered with this phone is a stupid piece of crap. I can not figure out how anyone gets these to stay in their ears.  They dangle precariously on the edge of my ear until I take a single step, and then they drop out, and much cussing ensues.  I had this same problem finding a single earpiece and mic for the old phone, but I had 50 different models to choose from and eventually found one that hooked over the ear, that stayed in and wasn’t painful to wear.

Thanks to Samsung’s special flat plug, none of the currently available headsets with round pointy plugs will work with the phone. But they did sell me an adapter, so off to Best Buy with high hopes I went yesterday.  The situation quickly got ugly.  There was one set of stereo headphones with mic, but they were the kind that hooked over the ears, not on a headband like I wanted, but I decided to give it a shot. 

I went out to the car and tried it, and found that round plug was smaller than the hole on the adapter so I marched right back in there.  Best Buy guy said that they had an adapter that might work, but they were out of stock.  Of course. And the thought of going to another Best Buy to purchase the adapter so that I could have an adapter on an adapter on a clippie pair of earpieces I didn’t really want made the $130 Bluetooth headband model start to look more attractive.  So I returned them (this necessitated a nearly murderous rage inducing wait in line behind a lady opening up a store credit card to buy her Nintendo wii, who had to have the terms explained to her approximately eleventy billion times while I stood there with steam coming out my ears.  And THEN, she made two separate purchases-one for the wii, and one for the game. HATE.)

After work I was still waffling on the Bluetooth device, and actually went to Target to examine cheap regular headphones, to see if there was a way I could pirate the headband and attach the earbuds to it with electrical tape. I am hoopty (the night before, I tried to anchor the fuckers in my ears with a fabric head band, which looked like I was wearing ear warmers. In August. I am cool).  Then, still unwilling to admit defeat, I went to Radio Shack to see if they might have to right adapter to work with the phone adapter to work with a pair of headphones.  I got snaked for salesperson help by some dillhole who came in behind me and then they didn’t have anything either.

My will totally crushed, I dragged myself off to the at&t store to buy the Bluetooth headset.  Now in addition to keeping my phone charged, I have to charge up the headset regularly too.  And I have to get it synched up and have it on all the time, or shut it off in my phone and it will drain my phone faster and blah blah blah instead of a nice little cord that I can simply plug or unplug.  I bought them, but I’m still not 100% sold on them. I haven’t even taken them out of the bag yet.

Instead, I went to the Samsung website and ordered a different earbud/mic set that appears to have much smaller buds that actually go into your ear.  At least I tried to order them. The website wouldn’t do anything when I clicked on checkout. So I had to call them and a very nice lady named Tony helped me out and comped my shipping for my inconvenience.  That’s what I’m talking about.  This whole thing has been nothing but inconvenience. I should have been getting comped all over the place!  So anyway, if those work, I will return the Bluetooth.

All this for a set of freaking headphones.

 

Negative

Filed under: ?Baby? — booksunread @ 12:21 pm

The title pretty much says it all.  I’m disapointed, but I guess not surprised.  I feel like I want to have a great big therapeutic crying jag, but there’s really not much time for that today.  I tested this morning and I’m at work now. 

Miguel is frustated, too.  He said “we’ll try again, but we have to start preparing ourselves for the possiblity that we might not have kids.”  That is not a possibility I am ready to start preparing for.  I want to try at least two more times. 

So I have to call both clinics today.  The current one to let them know it was a no go, and the new one to tell them the same and hope like crazy they can squeeze us in for a new appointment office visit in time that we won’t miss next cycle. Otherwise, I guess we’ll go with the current clinic and hope it goes more smoothly than last time… 

I wonder how long it will take my period to start now that I’m going off the prometrium. I wouldn’t expect it until Saturday, based on a normal, no drug, cycle count. 

 

Big Surprise August 20, 2007

Filed under: Daily Grind — booksunread @ 12:58 pm

My shiny new phone arrived on Friday, and as could have been predicted, it only took me about 5 minutes to become disenchanted with it and pissed off, because it was stupid.  See, ‘cause I couldn’t figure out how it all worked, so clearly it was the phone that was stupid, and not me.

I fiddled with it some after it charged up Friday night and found that I couldn’t get music on it from napster.  It wasn’t recognizing the device (although the computer was seeing it).  And every time I clicked on portable device, it was trying to sell me napster to go at $14.95 a month (I’m currently on a free napster light membership-I don’t download new music on a regular basis, I just want to manage the music I already own…)  So now I’m freaking out that you have to be napster to go member to use the phone. And OF COURSE, there is no customer support phone number to call for instant gratification, you have to send an e-mail and wait.

Even though the phone is a Samsung like my old one, all the menus are different and it took me a million years just to find the freaking camera.  This thing is way too fancy for me.  Live in call video? What the hell would I need that for?  And Miguel wanted me to get an iphone.  That would have sent me over the brink, for sure.

Of course the headphone/mic combo that works with the device, so I can listen to music or talk on the phone as needed while I’m walking, is ear bud based.  I don’t know who those buds are designed for, but it’s for sure not the delicate tiny shells that are my ears.  Those things don’t fit and won’t stay in for more than a step or two.  And I can’t find another set that is compatible because Samsung, like everyone else out there, is trying to screw you with a weird shaped plug that no other accessories will fit into. Bastards. 

Saturday, we went back to the at&t store so I could throw myself on their mercy to get my numbers off the sim card in my old phone (there were no instructions on this in the book!) and looked at headphone options.  My only optionis actually on a headband is a $129 bluetooth set.  I can not imagine one of those little one ear clip regular bluetooth thingies staying attached to my head.  Plus, even I, who just blinks blankly when Miguel points out the merits of various surround sound setups, need to listen to music in stereo.  I still have to check Best Buy and the Samsung website, but failing that, I guess the birthday fairy is giving bluetooth this year.

I decided not to humble myself further and ask the sales people about the music downloading thing, since the instruction manual had revealed that I did not need napster anyway, I could just use windows music.  So hah on you napster! With your wait a day for support and wanting to charge me to use music I already own. HAH!

Which of course, when I got home, did not work.  Napster’s helpful reply e-mail was to ensure that there was a memory card in the phone and that it was USB connected. Okay, I’m a tard when it comes to this stuff, but I did manage to figure out those basics.  So fiddly-fiddle for like an hour, taking little memory card out, sticking it back in, turning phone on and off, turning computer on and off, plugging and unplugging USB…the phone showed it was connected, but neither music program would see it.  I finally called at&t, who shuffled me off to Samsung, who had me press some combo of # and number keys that I never would have known to do on my own, and voila, suddenly, it was recognized.  And so I was finally able to download music from either program-which is good b/c all my play lists are already built in napster.  And it worked with plain old napster light so yay!

I walked last night with the phone just blasting from my hip, until I can get the headphone issue sorted out, this will have to do. It was only mildly embarrassing and I only had to scramble for the pause button once as a family with young kids approached in the middle of “gold digger.”