Books Unread, Jokes Untold-the pursuit of life

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I am FREAKIN’ MacGruber! October 30, 2007

Filed under: Daily Grind — booksunread @ 1:06 pm

Big fat middle finger to Samsung and their ear bud only accessories and their exclusionary square flat plug that won’t fit any other brand accessories. I have triumphed! What you see below is the elusive combination of speakers, with a voice mic, on a wired headband. 

After weeks of fruitlessly searching for a compatible accessory , I finally decided to refine my original idea of attaching the earbuds to a standard pair of headphones.  Instead of electrical tape though, I figured, I could bust out the speakers that came in it, and hot glue the earbuds to the inside of the plastic shell, then replace the foam pads.

I bought a $5 pair of headphones, pulled off the foam covers, and was delighted to discover the speaker pieces literally popped right out.  Then I took a Dremel tool and widened the little notches in the plastic shell where the original wires came out the bottom, to accommodate the wider stems of the earbuds.  Then, to anchor them in place, I realized I didn’t even need the hot glue. The original speaker parts were made up of two pieces, the actual speaker and the rim which snaps onto the plastic shell.  I separated the two pieces and put the rims back on the shell, pinning the earbuds in place. 

ear close up

With the foam pads back in place, they are completely comfortable and totally functional.  I am so impressed with myself, I can not even tell you!


Worst. Insemination. Ever. October 25, 2007

Filed under: ?Baby? — booksunread @ 1:17 pm

Like, in the history of inseminations.  And to think I was stressing over a couple of red lights. I WISH I’d hit a red light.  The only way it could have gone worse is if they had spilled Miguel’s specimen all over the floor.

So I arrive 15 minutes early at the lab, and Miguel’s sample is all ready to go and it is his best ever count! Bonus, now we’re running early and have an awesome sample. I scoot down to the car, make the short drive to the other office and find it easily. It’s 9:25 and I’m totally on time for my 9:30 appointment.

I go in, and stand around at the empty front desk, jangling my keys and clearing my throat and what not.  Live sperm here, people, let’s go!  I hand over the thermos and immediately ask for the restroom, so as to get it out of the way and not waste any time when they’re ready to bring me back.  Back in the waiting room, another woman enters with a similar thermos.  I think, “they better not take that bitch back before me.”

A little after 9:30, the nurse brings me back and gives me the “waist down, cover with drape” drill.  I sit in there and try to read my book, checking my watch every few minutes and trying not to think about dying sperm.  At 9:45, I start to get a little upset and am trying not to freak out.  At a little after 9:50, I clutch the paper towel around my waist, ass hanging out, open the door to the exam room and call out “Hello?” 

The nurse appears from around the corner with a questioning look and I execute the perfect bitchy watch check that conveys all the frustration I’m feeling.  She gets all flustered and stutters, “She’s not here yet, she’s at Dr. Out of Town’s office seeing his patients.”  At this point, I’m no longer to keep the freak out in check and cry “I’M one of Dr. Out of Town’s patients, they sent me here.  What is going on?!?!?”  As she scurries off to find out, I go back in the exam room and call Dr. Out of Town’s office myself. (It’s a good thing I did because that asshole nurse NEVER came back to tell me what was going on.)

I ask the nurse why I’ve been sent here if the doctor is over there right now seeing patients.  I was right across the hall picking up the specimen.  How does that even make sense?  And she explained that Dr. Pinch Hitter just likes to do the inseminations in her own office so that’s the way they have it set up, she’s left here so she’s on her way to you right now.

Then I say, “I don’t even understand why I’m here. When I first met with the doctor, he said and I quote ‘You will see me and only me.’  But now without any explanation I’m being treated in an entirely different office.”  The nurse explains that the doctor is at a conference, and has arranged for coverage and she’s a great doctor and I don’t need to worry about the quality of care, I know it’s an inconvenience, etc.  I’m not worried about the quality of care or the inconvenience, you stupid twit! I’m worried that as I sit here waiting a half hour past my appointment time, SPERM ARE DYING!  And I don’t have sperm to spare in case you haven’t heard. I mean, Jesus.

I just can not get over how cavalier every office I’ve dealt with is.  Patients already feel vulnerable and powerless, let’s pump them full of hormones and then fuck with them, why don’t we?  Would it have killed them for someone to tell me at some point that the doctor was at a conference BEFORE I had a full-on melt down?  For all the secrecy surrounding his absence, he’d had a heart attack for all I knew.  Why not explain as much as you can and relieve at least some of the uncertainty patients are feeling? 

And as I sat there freaking out and trying not to cry about my sperm dying, I was freaking out about the freaking out and how utterly powerless I was.  I was stuck there in that room, half naked and completely at their mercy. It’s not like I could just take my sperm and go somewhere else.  And, now, I’m hugely upset, and crying which is not a good environment for an insemination when you’re supposed to be all zen and relaxed. So it was creating this self feeding cycle of stress.

When the doctor finally came in at 10 past 10, I was full-on sobbing as I put my feet in the stirrups.  There is nothing more fun than having a speculum up your crotch as you’re trying not to completely loose your shit.  Luckily, the doctor, while hugely taken aback, I’m sure, got right down to business.  If she had tried to take time out to calm me down and comfort me, I would have gone completely the other way and flown off the handle, probably screaming, “JUST DO IT, JUST PUT IT IN BEFORE ANY MORE DIE!”

When she was done, she came up to my head and apologized again, very sincerely, and said that I shouldn’t worry, they keep the specimen warm in the thermos and it’s good for a few hours, blah blah blah.  When I called my doctor’s office back as I left (the nurse wanted me to call back when I was done so she’d know I was okay), the nurse said, we checked with the lab and they said not to worry the sample is good for a couple hours, again blah blah blah. 

I’m sorry, but I call bullshit on that.  At the time they did the insemination, it was almost 3 hours from sample collection, not the 2 that they and every other clinic schedules.  If it really didn’t matter how soon you did it after collection, then you’d schedule it for 3 hours all the time, not 2.  You can’t tell me that not a single sperm died off in that 45 minutes extra it was sitting there.  What if that sperm was the one that would have fertilized the egg?  And I KNOW that there was probably plenty of viable sperm still left; it didn’t all die, so maybe I’m being a little melodramatic, but you can not deny simple statistics.  The more sperm you have, the more chance it has of hitting an egg.  That’s why we’re in this situation in the first place.  So when you take our very best sample and basically drop it down to the quality of our average samples with your dicking around, I think I have a right to be pissed.

I tried to google around last night to find support for this theory, but I am the worst googler ever. I never find helpful info.  I found out how long it can live inside a woman-up to 5 days if the conditions are right.  I found out how long if it’s just exposed to room temperature air-some within minutes, none more than an hour.  But I couldn’t find out what the rate of die-off was in insemination situations where they’re keeping it warm. 

So just something new to obsess about for the next two weeks before we find out the results of this cycle.  It’s always something…


Must Dash! October 24, 2007

Filed under: ?Baby? — booksunread @ 11:35 am

No time to write this morning as I’m participating in the Cross Town Sperm Invitational today.  For some reason, Dr. “You will see me and only me” is mysteriously and suddenly not available this week.  When I went Sunday for my ultrasound, the nurse put me in a room without a word and then some woman I’d never seen before came in and introduced herself and said she was pinch hitting.  Ohhhkay.  Then when I went out to schedule, the nurse said that she would still be covering for him on Wednesday for the insemination.  Unfortunately, she works out of another office. 

So I have to go to the lab located in the building where MY doctor’s office is, pick up Miguel’s contribution, then DRIVE across town to this woman’s office to deliver it.  And uh, have it delivered to my egg(s), hopefully.

It’s really not across town, more like 5-10 minutes away, max. But still, it’s just another layer to stress out about and be all “Oh my god, red light! SPERM are DYING!”  Because you know I will.  Can’t help it. 

Pray for green lights!


Back, Sort of October 22, 2007

Filed under: Daily Grind — booksunread @ 11:56 am

I’m back from VA, but man could I use another day of vacation! It was a long trip what with being in the car 8 hours there and back and all the car riding once we got there, since Salsera lives in BFE.  If I never see the backseat of a car again, it will be too soon.  Add that to the fact that we went to bed late, were compelled to get up early and hang out with the Ps, and in between had to wrestle a 300lb dog for sheets, and I was done by the time we finally rolled into town Friday night.  And of course the Ps stayed an extra day at my house before continuing home, so my entire weekend was shot-no sleeping in, taking a nap, or having five seconds to myself to scratch my ass. Once they finally left, I had approximately a billion bills to pay, eggs to be counted, bags to unpack and stuff to put away, a dog to walk, and the gym I haven’t seen the inside of in a week.

I would have loved to call in sick today, sleep in, then get on the computer to review and clean out the TWO HUNDRED e-mails that accumulated while I was gone.  That way I could start fresh tomorrow morning.  However, it looks like I’ll be out Wednesday morning for the ole wank and squirt and I have actual work to accomplish in addition to those 200 e-mails, regular mail to sort and job candidates to review.  So this is it for an update for now!


No Time October 15, 2007

Filed under: Daily Grind,Uncategorized — booksunread @ 2:32 pm

Still trying to finish off stuff at work, and I’ve gots to get going because I am kicking off my vacation week with a massage and pedi this afternoon. Which is much needed after I busted my ass cleaning the house yesterday pending my parents arrival. I still will have a bit more to do when I get home (swiffering floor, wiping down kitchen, and putting away laundry), but I will be so relaxed that it will almost be FUN, I’m sure!

Ugh. I freaking hate cleaning. It puts me in a cranky mood, and then Miguel’s all like “Why are you cranky?” as he watches me wield the toilet brush. How about you scrub out gross toilets and the fucking shower stall once in a while and see if you feel like whistling zipadeedoda while you do it? And then he gets all wounded, all “I make the bed every day.” So not the SAME thing! Ugh. I will give him credit, he does pickup after himself well and usually dusts and runs the vacuum and he does all the man chores with the lawn mowing and garbage taking out, but somehow, he hardly ever does the crappy parts; that’s all me. And I just get fed up. BUT, it’s totally a lose-lose situation complaining about it, because I don’t really trust him to do a good job on the scrubby scrubby cleaning any way. He tends to fail to notice things like the 1/4 inch film of hairspray on the sink as long as he has wiped over it once and it’s not dirty looking. Blech.


Here We Go Again October 12, 2007

Filed under: ?Baby?,Daily Grind — booksunread @ 4:40 pm

So I started chlomid again today for IUI attempt # 3.  I was crushed Wednesday when my period started, signaling that attempt #2 had failed.  Thank god I’m in an office with a door, although I don’t think that the walls are soundproofed well enough to disguise the fact that I was in here sobbing, judging by the concerned looks I later got.

I just couldn’t help it; I had no grip on my emotions.  I don’t know if it’s the hormones fucking with me or just the utter disappointment and helplessness I felt.  When IUI #1 failed, I wasn’t too concerned, it was like the practice run (albeit a very expensive practice!).  It was our first one, the whole thing seemed like such a clusterfuck all the way along, I felt terrible after, so no big surprise it didn’t work out. But this time, I felt like we had done everything right; Miguel has been exercising and watching his diet and booze intake, his counts are relatively good, for him, I had three follicles ready to go, I had been doing the acupuncture.  And still big fat nothing.  I just don’t know what more we can do here.  And with each failed attempt, it gets harder and harder not to freak out. Miguel took it better than I thought.  His internal clock is what I think riles me up the most about all this.  He’s kind of freaking out that he turned 36 in August and doesn’t want to be an old dad; he thought I’d be pregnant by August.  At the rate we’re going, he’ll probably be 37 by the time the baby gets here, if it gets here.  Which, I know big difference between 36 and 10 months and 37, but I get his point.  You’ve got to draw a line somewhere or we’ll be 40 and still trying.  In the back of my mind, I’m worried he’ll want to draw the line before I do. 

But he surprised me and said that he’s game for at least two more tries with IUI.  We haven’t talked yet about whether that means IVF next…one day at a time, and sperm willing, we won’t ever have to get to that point. Other than that, I’m busy at work trying to polish off things before I take most of next week off to go to Virginia to see salsera.  And Dionne Warwick. WOOT!  I have a ton of stuff I want to write about other than the seemingly all-consuming baby mess, but I just haven’t had the screwing around time this week.

Oh, and I haven’t had time to update the sidebar either; maybe next week. But I finished the Pants series, and I have to say, it WAS “Pants” as the Brits would say-i.e., it kinda sucked.  I found all the characters annoyingly navel gazing in a way that struck a false chord with me in terms of perceived realistic teenage behavior.  On top of that, one of the major themes set in the 1st book was that each girl contributed some kind of marking to the pants symbolizing her summer-like Tibby embroidered a heart for Bailey-something that is referred to several times in book 2.  But at the end of book 2, no mention whatsoever of pants modification, and none for the rest of the series…plus pants worn by four people for four years and never washed? GROSS.

ETA: Sorry the fonts are fucked up, no time to mess with them today.


Technical Difficulties October 9, 2007

Filed under: 15 Tons — booksunread @ 1:13 pm

Man, we are off to crap start to this week.  My new computer arrived last week (after much ridiculousness with FedEx all “We don’t have your suite number.” “Okay, it’s …”  “No, YOU can’t give us your suite number, you must call Hewlett Packard and have them give it us.”  “ohkay…”  Ring , Ring “HP customer service, this is um, Joe, I am totally NOT in India right now. No we can’t change it in the system now that it’s on the truck, no we can’t call FedEx for you, how about you go to your local FedEx location and hang out there and see what happens…”).  Anyway, we all know by now that new technology and the curmudgeonly old lady inside me do not get along.  So I let it sit all week before tackling the setup late Friday afternoon. I gave myself an hour and half before quitting time to get it set up.  So not even close.
I got it all out of the box and plugged all the bits and pieces in the right places, which I am quite proud of, thank you very much.  Then I called in IT to do all the computery loady thingies taking off the suck Vista and replacing it with the OEM version of XP we bought instead.  And because that screwed up all the drivers and stuff and HP doesn’t give you software and system recovery back ups on CD (a fact which took IT a long time to accept, rather than his preferred hypothesis that I had thrown them out with the box), it took all freaking morning to get set up. 

Meanwhile, I finally got fed up and hooked up my old laptop and docking station in the empty office next door (yes, empty, as in there is no new employee in there, we’ll get to that clusterfuck next).  And then, the gd mouse won’t work anymore on my docking station, ARG! So I got approximately zero work done yesterday.  Now I am trying to get everything all set up back to the way it was before with all the toolbars and display settings and programs and whichimawhosits I had before.  It did not help that IT would do like 2% of the job and then skip off.  The rest of the afternoon went something like this:

Beep: Yeah, hi, can you set up my e-mail accounts?

20 minutes later

Beep: Yeah, hi, can you map my network drives?

20 minutes later

Beep: Yeah, can I have permissions so I can load the rest of my software? Thanks.


I still don’t have sound, IM is the weird version that gives you credit card fraud advice at the start of every convo and won’t let you post a cute picture and I can’t uninstall and reinstall it, and my Outlook interface is making me crosseyed because the folder list is so small and I can’t figure out how to get the little thing showing your calendar and shit to display. Sigh.

Last Monday, my new hire was due to start.  After 6 months of searching, testing, interviewing and many disappointments, we finally settled on a candidate we thought would do a good job for us.  I scheduled him to start about a week and half after he accepted our offer, on the first of the month.  That morning, at 7:30 my phone rang, and I could see his number on the caller ID.  I thought, please, please let him be having car trouble, or sick, or lost or not able to come in today but will start tomorrow.  Any of those things would have been preferable to what actually happened.  He was calling to tell me that he had another offer come in late Friday afternoon, and after much agonizing he was going to take it because it was a more creative position that he felt was a better fit.

I couldn’t even get very  worked up at this point, honestly.  I think I might have laughed a little. I have been frustrated at every turn during this hiring process because of my company’s hiring practices.  I’ve had to turn down several well qualified candidates that would have worked well, because of largely irrelevant criteria determined by the powers that be. I’ve lost candidates to other offers because of heel dragging outside of my control.  I am on my last nerve.  It took me 8 months and 3 rounds of recruiting to fill this position last time.  I’m on track to beat that record this time.  I decided to only work with recruiters this time around.  I talked to a good half dozen of them last week.  I’ve gotten ZERO resumes so far.