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Day 28 November 30, 2007

Filed under: ?Baby? — booksunread @ 2:21 pm

So on day 29, I got a call from my doctor’s office…the blood test I took the day before? Positive! I am pregnant!  My beta was on the low side of normal, which she said wasn’t necessarily alarming, and probably due to the fact that it was still very early.  She recommended a repeat within two days to make sure it doubled and to follow up with the reproductive endocrinologist going forward.

The second Beta was fine, as was the first ultrasound.  I am at 7 weeks now. And on Tuesday of this week, we had the second ultrasound, where we could see a teeny tiny flutter of a heartbeat on the monitor.  I don’t think I’ve ever been so relieved in my life.  Last time, we did not make it to that point and I was so, so afraid, that we would go in there and the ultrasound would reveal that while I was pregnant, I was no longer.

Last time, I started very lightly spotting around week 9.  I had friends who had that early on as well and absolutely nothing was wrong and they carried a healthy baby to term, so I wasn’t overly alarmed.  I did call my doctor about halfway through the week and started to get a little worried when they wanted me in right away for an ultrasound.  Their office tech was gone for the day, so they sent me over to the hospital lab.

I still was so sure that nothing was wrong.  In filling in my paperwork, I confidently ticked off the 1 pregnancy and 0 miscarriage boxes. Nope, no miscarriages for me, we are just fine over here, thanks.

The whole thing was just completely surreal, the doctor was running late, so the tech took me back and got me started.  She was mostly quiet, because I guess as a tech, she is not supposed to make diagnoses…I should have had a clue when she rushed to assure me that the whoosh of sound that came up was my own pulse.  But still, stubbornly, foolishly clinging to hope, I dismissed it.  And then I had to sit there a good 15 minutes waiting for the Neonatal specialist to arrive.

He came in and started explaining in heavily accented English about how the size and development was at 6 weeks, not at 9 as it should be.  It still wasn’t sinking in “…so I’m just a bit behind?” I thought.  And then he starts spouting off statistics about how common miscarriages are and how woman are able to go on and have healthy pregnancies, etc., and that’s when I realized what he was telling me.  Even though I thought I’d been pregnant all this time, the pregnancy had already ended 3 weeks ago.

So you can understand why I was freaking out about the upcoming second ultrasound.  If there was no heartbeat by then, we were done.  Again.  All Thanksgiving weekend, I had horrible nightmares.  Every time I lay down to sleep, my heart would start to race and I’d have a near panic attack thinking about the possibility that the ultrasound would be silent and still.

I made Miguel come with me this time, because I really did not know if I’d even be able to get myself out of there if the news was bad.  It was totally worth it when he looked at the ultrasound wand and was all “he’s doing WHAT with that?”  And then the lights came down, and the doctor immediately pointed out the little flutter of a heartbeat inside the tiny, unrecognizable as a baby, ball of cells.  Having achieved cardiac activity, our chances of something now going wrong are significantly lower.

I was officially discharged to my regular OB and am seeing them for my first prenatal appointment on Monday.

Miguel has been telling everyone he can find now that he considers it to be “safe.”  From the beginning I told my best friend, my sister, and Miguel’s sister-the people I would lean on for emotional support if things went south again.  The fact that I told his sister is hush-hush.  He does not know how much I’ve talked to her about everything that is going on-I suspect he would be pissed off/embarrassed about it so I’ve just kept it to myself.  And then I couldn’t leave her hanging now that I am pregnant.  We are going to tell the families at Christmas…my poor SIL is going to have fake it big time.

Even though we’ve gotten to this point, I still do not feel entirely safe telling a bunch of other people, and I’ll be waiting until the new year (plus I would feel bad if God and everybody knew before our families).  I’ve told one other good friend (Hi Maybelle!) but that will be it until after the holidays. I’m thinking about mailing our holiday cards out slightly late and including a message about how we’ll be having Christmas in July (did I mention? my due date is July 18th!).

I’m still feeling very cautious and don’t know if I’ll ever relax and really enjoy the pregnancy like I would have if I hadn’t had a miscarriage.   At this point, it’s still earlier than I made it last time (theoretically, if not technically), and as far as I can tell my symptoms seem about the same.  My boobs hurt. A LOT.  But I’m not having any morning sickness really.  I feel a bit queasy off and on, but I haven’t thrown up at all. I’m always having stomach trouble so who knows if it’s even pregnancy related.  Last time, I did not have any morning sickness at all. 

I know I should be grateful that I feel good, but I recently read another blogger who had a miscarriage at right about the same # of weeks as I did and she knew that something was wrong early on because she wasn’t sick.  Her sister, who had had several miscarriages, reported the same thing.  So I would almost feel better if I was sick as a dog.  On the other hand, my SIL was violently ill for one pregnancy and not at all for the other, and both were otherwise fine pregnancies so it could mean nothing at all.  Every pregnancy is different.

So anyway…by turns elated and terrified over here.


Hurry Hurry November 20, 2007

Filed under: Daily Grind — booksunread @ 12:57 pm

Not much time to post again!  I had my new hire start yesterday so I’m tied up with him most of the day here.  At home, I’m busily getting ready for my guests, who I can’t believe arrive tomorrow.  I made as much as would hold up to freezing on Sunday, along with my chex mix.  Tomorrow, I still have to make cookies and brownies, make 2 more appetizers (bacon wrapped water chestnuts and beer cheese dip), cut up cheese for the cheese platter, make the sweet potato casserole, peel the potatoes and brine the turkey breasts.  Turkey day I will just make the mashed potatoes, combine the prepped ingredients for the stuffing(s), throw together the green bean casserole, and cook the turkey and rolls.

Then Friday it will start all over again with the appetizers and snacks as we’re having a bunch of people over for the 2nd annual day after thanksgiving drunken cornhole/dart fest.

Also, for the record, I did succumb a bit to the running around looking for the perfect this that and the other thing.  I’m such a sucker.

I am quite proud of myself though, because last night I started my Christmas shopping.  I got something for my mom, and my father in law is done too. I feel very productive!

Hope everyone has a festive and fun turkey day!


Turkey Countdown November 15, 2007

Filed under: Getting my Martha On — booksunread @ 3:40 pm

turkey The countdown is on for Thanksgiving and I’m woefully behind this year. Usually for the entire month of November, I’m busily planning my menu and running around trying to find some random accessory to make a perfect Martha-like autumn harvest celebration.  Last year: acorns for my brilliant idea place card holders.  I ended up settling for pinecones.


The year before that, it was leaf-shaped molds so that I could make individual decorative butter pats (I ended up using mini cookie cutters).  The year before that, it was a quest for mini pumpkins and gourds to be carved as decorative votive holders.  It is a sickness.  I don’t know why I make myself crazy with these things.

This year, I am completely unmotivated to get my Martha on…I even briefly considered buying a pre-cooked turkey (the horror!) to cut down on prep work.  I guess I’m bummed b/c this year was supposed to be a big one with all of Miguel’s family, but that fell through, so it is just us, and our friends who I’ve mentioned before, let’s call them Spam and Slobetta.  To recap, we love Spam, we put up with his wife, Slobetta, but are often grossed out by her utter lazy grossness. 

Also, they are bringing Spam jr with them for the first time which strikes terror in my heart.  Mostly as I fear that Slobetta (who I have literally watched drop food on my floor and go on like nothing happened-more than once) will not watch him.  I have visions of him running sticky handed straight for our nice new couch.  He is about to turn four. Another thing I’m not so jazzed about-as of two weeks ago they were “working on potty training him.”  That is just bullshit, kid is FOUR and is big for his age.  Now I have to go buy a rubber sheet for the guest bed.  Even if they put him in night diapers, I worry that a kid that big will overflow and flood the bed.  I will also be purchasing those oh so classy plastic covers to protect the upholstery on the dining room chairs.  I’m not so bitter about that, since I’ve often been tempted to purchase them specifically for Slobetta, and now I have an excuse.

As far as getting my Martha on in the kitchen, I’ve decided on a selection of appetizers: chex mix, crackers and cheese, beer cheese dip with soft pretzels, bacon wrapped water chestnuts and balsamic sausage bites.  For the meal, I decided to make just turkey breasts to cut down the amount of room taken up in the oven. I’m going to make two different preparations-an orange brined cranberry glazed breast and a more traditional one with the usual poultry seasonings and butter.  Miguel and Spam tend to be picky so the cranberry glazed might not go over with them.  Because of that, neither of them will eat my perfectly yummy cornbread, apple and sausage stuffing, and I have to also make a couple boxes of stove top.  I also have my grandma’s recipe for more of a pork dressing/stuffing so that is three types of stuffing right there. Then there will be mashed pototaoes, sweet potato casserole (pecan and brown sugar topping-no marshmallows!), and green bean casserole.  For desert, I usually make a pumpkin eggnog pie or pumpkin cheesecake, but I think I’m going to go easy this year with a boxed brownie mix. Maybe I will buy a wee pumpkin pie for traditions sake.  Oh, and there will be Pillsbury crescent rolls. Because it’s not Thanksgiving without crescent rolls.

I’ve got to get my shopping list and coupons together tonight.  I’m in charge of a charity luncheon on Saturday, so I won’t be able to get to cleaning, shopping and doing as much prep as possible until late Saturday afternoon.  Luckily we just cleaned really well for company last week, and this is Slobetta we are talking about so I don’t have to strain myself…although I suppose they should have clean sheets.


Move Over, Katie Holmes November 13, 2007

Filed under: Daily Grind — booksunread @ 1:30 pm

So Katie Holmes ran the NYC Marathon, good for her. I tend to try to avoid activities with the potential to either make my toe nails fall off or make me poop my pants.  Both hazards of distance marathon running, I’ve been told. 

However, this past weekend, Miguel’s workplace hosted a “Let’s be all healthy and shit” 5 K.  Since Miguel has been running and getting in shape, he was totally game for it, and I am all for supporting healthy behavior on his part, so I agreed to participate as well.

Now, I didn’t get all crazy or anything, I agreed to WALK the 3.1 mile course. I generally avoid running unless someone is chasing me. With a big knife.  So early Saturday morning, we got all bundled up in our gear and set off for the race.  We even got cute little numbers to pin on our shirts, just like a real race.  The runners set off first, then about 10 minutes later, they let us walkers loose.  Since Miguel’s still fairly new to workplace, and none of his department was there, I didn’t know anybody to walk with.  Sad day.  So I put on some MCR and trotted off with my bad, angry, rebellious teenager self. 

I learned something very important that day…5 Ks are mother fucking boring.  The longest I usually walk the dog is about 2 miles on a good day and that extra mile just about killed me.  Not because it was physically taxing or anything, but because it was freaking boring.  And also, boring.  The race course was through industrial park-type areas, so there wasn’t anything to look at.  And without the dog to wrangle, there wasn’t anything to do but walk, walk, walk.  I actually jogged three stretches towards the end just to get it over with.  That is some boring shit.  I can not imagine doing it for TWENTY-SIX miles in a marathon.  Of course, during a marathon, you are probably busy trying not to die. 

Miguel placed third in the runners, which is pretty impressive as 1. a lot of them looked like the “I run 5 miles a day” type and 2. we had been up drinking till late the night before with friends from out of town.  For my part, I was shocked to learn I came in third of the women walkers.  I feel kind of bad since I jogged a bit, but oh well.  We both got $30 gift certificates to a local running store. Yay! New gym shoes for me!


No More Needles November 8, 2007

Filed under: ?Baby? — booksunread @ 6:31 pm

I decided after the session just prior to last my IUI to ditch the acupuncture.  Because I had been out of the town the week before, I was trying to squeeze a session in and found out that he also sees patients at the integrative health center/spa of my old gym.  The catch was that it was 20 bucks more, but the time and day were convenient so I went for it.

The setting was much nicer than his regular office where you get a curtained off recliner in a room full of other people.  I got to stretch out on a massage table in a private room and got in a pretty good snooze until I started sweating under the aluminum blanket.  And then of course the problem with the acupuncture is that you can’t really move to kick the blanket off.  They really should give you an emergency button to hold on to in case you need help.

When I was all done, I thought about going to the spa every week and just eating the 20 bucks (on top of the $88 I was already paying), but I just decided that maybe the acupuncture wasn’t so much for me.  I still felt like I was paying a hundred bucks a week to take a rather uncomfortable nap.  I never felt like it had any residual calming or emotional effects. 

I also never felt like the doctor was all that in to treating me.  He never kept track from one week to the next what was going on with my cycle, I had to remind him every time.  And when he was done with me for the day, he was done, no follow up recommended at all.  No, okay, so if you’re doing X next week, I need to see you X or X day.  It really didn’t seem to matter to him one way or another if I came back again.  One time as I was leaving, he told me to feel better.  Um, not trying to feel better, trying to feel pregnant, hello?

All told, I saw him for about 8 sessions, I think.  While it was doled out weekly in manageable chunks, that adds up to $800 bucks.  That is almost as much as we’ve paid out so far for both IUI cycles at clinic number 2.  All in all, I just felt like that money would be better spent elsewhere.

So ends my foray into new agey medicine.  I suppose anything is worth a shot once.


Nurse Ratchet November 7, 2007

Filed under: ?Baby? — booksunread @ 2:14 pm

Okay, okay, okay, I know I owe a post besides “Hey! Here is a picture of my disgruntled dog!” If Salsera would get off her ass and get registered, maybe I could get a little help here with the content. Because I do not have much to say besides “waiting, waiting, waiting…trying not to obsess and/or get hopes up and failing miserably on both counts.”  And I’m sure all three of you out there are sick of hearing about it.  So today I will write about something only tangentially related to the whole baby saga: the nurse at my regular OBGYN office.

This nurse is a mumbely, surly bitch and I can not stand her.  Every time I go in there and she’s the one who comes out the door and calls my name, I cringe.  It all started back last time I was pregnant.  Apparently, the office can not take you at your word that you are pregnant, no matter how many home tests you may have peed on.  They want you to come in and pee on their stick to confirm it (well, in a cup, so they can stick their stick into it-this gross distinction will be important in a minute).

Despite the fact that I had a raging ear infection at the time, I dragged myself in and did my business in the cup.  Then Surly comes in all suspicious like, “When did you say you had your period? And you had a positive home test? Because that test is negative.”  Of course, my heart dropped to my shoes, but when I insisted that I had indeed gotten a clear positive, she acted all put upon, “well, we’re going to have to take blood then.”  Then she goes back into the lab and comes back and says “Oh it’s showing up now, have you been drinking a lot of fluids? Because your urine must be really diluted.”  Um, nurse, my pee was practically clear-even I know from watching Scrubs and Grey’s Anatomy that means that it’s very diluted and I’ve been drinking a lot. 

Then, when I explain that I was sick and taking antibiotics, she said “I don’t think you should be taking that.”  I had told my GP when I went in that I was pregnant and she prescribed the antibiotics knowing that.  Still, once again, the elevator drops to the bottom of the shaft in my stomach.  So she goes and checks with someone else and comes back all “No, it’s okay.”  Way to scare me twice in the span of 5 minutes that my pregnancy is in jeopardy.  Where the fuck did you go to nursing school, did they cover anything at all? But, hey, maybe she knew something I didn’t, given how that pregnancy turned out.

I had another run in with her yesterday when I went in for my annual pap and pelvic, which coincidentally fell on day 28 of my cycle.  As in, I’m due for my period and it hasn’t started yet.  Of course, I was a blubbery mess to the poor nurse practitioner and was basically whining that it was torture waiting for my period to start when I know this cycle failed and it is coming (pee test the day before was negative, also, my back is feeling crampy, always a harbinger of the period).  So she offered to do a blood test to put me definitively out of my misery, should my body fuck with me for several more days until my period starts.

Of course, it was Surly who came in to administer the blood test.  She starts pulling out the various and sundry blood test accoutrements and flinging them to the counter.  She tied on the tourniquet and then mumbled something.  After a few seconds I asked, “did you say ‘make a fist’?”  “Yes.”  Then, despite the fact that I just now started making a fist because I didn’t understand her mumbley ass instruction, she jammed the needle into my less than plump vein.  I was looking the other way, but I could tell that she was having trouble getting the vial to fill (see: vein not ready yet, above). Then suddenly, she grabbed the needle like a kid with a video game joystick and wrenched it to the side, stirring it around a bit once she got there. I nearly passed out.  “Ah ha ha, that vein was funny, I thought it was going one way but then it totally moved.” Uh, huh, totally the vein’s fault, not your haste and incompetence.  I now have a 2 inch long vibrant purple and hot pink bruise on my arm.  Seriously want to punch that bitch.

But maybe that is displaced anger…we’ll know for sure later today.


Why my dog hates me November 1, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — booksunread @ 4:07 pm

But the trick or treaters loved her!