Books Unread, Jokes Untold-the pursuit of life

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Belly Pix March 27, 2008

Filed under: ?Baby? — booksunread @ 11:49 pm

This is my belly at 6 months. Holy Crap! I won’t even tell you what I weigh.

6 month belly

I wore the same shirt just for you all-for comparison purposes.  This was my belly at just about 21 weeks:



Batten Down the Hatches

Filed under: ?Baby? — booksunread @ 7:43 pm

Now that the pants situation has been resolved with the addition of a couple more hemmed pairs and the approach of the weather when I can wear the many capris I’ve inherited, we are now running into a problem with the tops.  The lovely and generous ladies who lent me their maternity wardrobes are not what one would consider well-endowed pre-pregnancy.  More like in the A-B range to my usual C-D cups. 

I am closing in on DOUBLE D territory here; their scoop neck, v-neck, and faux wrap tops are beginning to look downright pornographic.  Layering over a tank is not working as most of the tanks just barely contain the girls, they still reveal quite a meaty swath of cleavage. The past couple days, I’ve found myself absolutely mesmerized by the the reflection of rippling chest-flesh jiggling in the bathroom mirror as I wash my hands.  I’m wondering if that’s the free show everybody is getting every time I move. Maybe that’s why my younger, male employee doesn’t look me in the eye.

I’m “petite” so it’s a shorter than average distance between my shoulder and the shelf of my boobs, the straps on regular camis are just too long.  What I need are some boat-neck tanks that come up more in the region of my collar bone.  Of course, target and old navy only have ho-clothes for little A cup tweeny boppers so I’m SOL on a cheap fix. The maternity camis all have the same strap problem. Hello, maternity clothes designers, some of us are short, AND have big boobs. 

Today I’m stuffed into the highest necked of my regular medium camis and I feel like I’m going to blow at any minute.


Ear Muffs March 26, 2008

Filed under: Daily Grind — booksunread @ 7:08 pm

I have a very short easy commute to work. I basically take the road that runs directly behind my house about 6 miles to the street my office is on.  The only problem is that it’s pretty much a residential street and only one lane each way, so if you get stuck behind someone taking a Sunday drive, you’re pretty much screwed.  There are medians and double yellows the whole way down, so no passing either.

This week, I was looking forward to smooth sailing as the schools are out for spring break which always reduces the traffic.  Yet somehow yesterday morning, I got stuck behind the ONE car that wanted to go 10 miles below the speed limit the whole way.  And unfortunately, I was 3 or 4 cars back from the slowpoke so all I could do was simmer back there in impotent rage.  You can bet if I had been directly behind the offender I would have gone all road rage on his/her ass, flashing brights, honking and a little close following.  Sure, it probably pisses them off and makes them drive slower, but at least I feel better about it.  Instead, I got to curse and mutter alone in my car, which was not nearly as satisfying.

Nothing makes me lose my mind more quickly than someone who refuses to drive at least the posted speed limit on a road where there is no passing.  I’m not asking people to speed, risking their lives or getting a ticket.  Just go as fast as Johnny Law has given you permission to for god’s sake. If you can’t do that, because you’re a timid old person or otherwise afraid of the accelerator, you shouldn’t have a license.  The best gift anyone could possibly give me would be an LED sign for the front of my car, where I could flash “The speed limit here is 45!” at slow moving drivers.  With an optional, “asshole” ending for special circumstances.

As karmic payback for the private shit fit I threw yesterday morning on the way to work, on the way back I got stuck behind someone driving fully FIFTEEN miles under the posted speed limit.  Apparently, there was one car following another, yet he was going so slowly that he was fully 2 blocks behind the lead car.  Big surprise when he got cut off by a red light and the lead car had to pull over and wait.  This time, even though I was a few cars back, I did employ my horn, because, seriously FIF.TEEN. mph under the speed limit. Unacceptable.  Of course, I was cursing and muttering the whole way as well.

Last night, I read that WB can now hear what’s going on outside the womb.  At this rate, he’s going to come out cursing like a sailor.  Maybe I can get him some wee little ear muffs.


Elephant Feet March 25, 2008

Filed under: ?Baby? — booksunread @ 1:03 pm

I think I’ve mentioned before that I had very noble intentions before getting pregnant of not complaining about the state of being pregnant.  And mostly, I have been very very lucky.  General queasiness and reflux instead of unceasing turbo barfing.  Sinus headaches instead of blinding migraines.  A mild distaste for certain foods instead of a hair trigger smell gag reflex.  But it is some random shit that happens when you’re pregnant, and I can’t just pretend like it’s not happening.  So, um, think of this more as reporting from the front lines, NOT complaining.

Can you believe that tomorrow marks 24 weeks? SIX whole months I’ve been cooking this kid!  I still feel like people who don’t know I’m pregnant can’t really tell that I am and are wondering if I am just fat.  I mean, it looks like pregnant belly to me, but I feel like strangers in yoga class are looking at me all, is she or isn’t she?  (Because everybody is looking at me like I am Britney Spears or something…) 

A couple of weeks ago, I noticed that my feet would hurt after taking the dog for a long walk or running a bunch of errands and walking around a lot. I figured that my gym shoes had worn out and purchased a new pair with inserts for plantar support (I’m prone to plantar fasciitis).  And they didn’t help much at all.  I’m forced to conclude that it wasn’t the shoes; carrying around the extra weight that I’ve put on is getting to be too much for my feet to support.

Yesterday, I found that my casual work shoes were too tight.  I felt confined and uncomfortable all day.  I am most definitely getting elephant feet.  And I’ve still got three and half months more to go, where I should be putting on the bulk of my weight and swelling even more.  I haven’t gotten on the scale at home in a while (the doc’s office has weighed me heavy from the beginning), so I’m not sure exactly how much I’ve gained.  I’d have to guess I’m probably creeping up on the 20 lb mark.  Thank god it will be flip flop season soon!

Oh and that pledge to eat better and go to the gym more? Not really happening with much consistency.  Monday yoga is about all I’m hitting with any regularity.  Yesterday, I discovered that I can no longer reach back and grab my ankle to do a simple quad stretch.  Today I’m swimming.  Tomorrow, I’m going to try a prenatal yoga class back at the old gym.  I guess all I can do is just like in non-pregnant times, try my best every day to get back on track instead of throwing up my hands and saying “what’s the point?” 


I Made Pants! March 24, 2008

Filed under: Getting my Martha On — booksunread @ 12:49 pm

Okay, really, I hemmed pants, but I’m still pretty darn proud of myself. Santa brought me a sewing machine and I’ve yet to do so more than switch it on and look at all the pretty buttons and scary needle in the 3 months since. 

I never took sewing/home ec class in school.  In 6th grade, I was sitting in the nurses office when a girl came in after driving a sewing machine needle through the top of her fingernail.  To this day, thinking about it grosses me right the hell out.  So when the time came to choose 8th grade electives, I went for manufacturing instead, where I played with jig saws and drill presses, a far safer alternative. 

Being of the near-midget persuasion, I spend A LOT of money having pants hemmed.  Sometimes, even petites are on the long side.  Now that I am in maternity wear, my options are even more limited-almost no one makes petite maternity pants.  JCP sells some, but apparently, they’ve decided that when you become pregnant, you cease being a size 10, 12, or maybe slightly bigger and are instead only small, medium, or large.  S,M,L is okay for tops, but does not cut it for pants.  So I’m having to buy mostly regular length maternity pants in the correct size and shorten them.  I hate spending money on this stuff as I know I’m only going to be wearing it a short time.  I try to get stuff on sale/clearance, but when you add on alterations, it starts to get pricey. 

This weekend, while my mom was here, she showed me how to measure, cut and pin pants to be hemmed.  Then we figured out how to use my new sewing machine to put in the hem.  We did two pairs of pants for work and I must say I’m pretty proud of the results.  We just did a plain straight stitch, nothing fancy, but woo am I excited.  It was really fun and pretty easy. 

I have a couple other small projects-a drawstring waistband that is coming undone and a pair of yoga pants I’ve had for years but have resisting spending the money to have hemmed-and then I need to find some other stuff to practice on.  I don’t want to go so long in between using it that I forget what I’ve learned.  I also want to learn how to use more than the straight stitch on my machine.  I’m going to try to find a beginners sewing class asap so I can get some more practice in before WB comes. 


Pitter Patter March 19, 2008

Filed under: Daily Grind — booksunread @ 1:24 pm

Bet you thought this post was going to be about wee baby, huh?  Wrong! Instead it is about the pitter patter of raindrops that have been splattering my window relentlessly for the past two days.  Ugh. Isn’t it supposed to be April Showers?  March should be working on going out like a lamb right about now. 

Instead we’ve got this unceasing cascade of water coming down; it’s not just a sprinkle or a mist, it’s a steady downpour that hasn’t let up since sometime Sunday night.  Coupled with the dark mornings courtesy of the recent time change, it has been a real struggle to climb out of bed these past couple days.

On top of all the snow melt from the 12 inches we got last weekend, there is water everywhere.  My poor neighbor’s back yard is basically a lake.  Her dog was just standing there a giant puddle looking pathetic in the downpour yesterday.  I wanted to go say Hi, but if he had jumped up, I would have been covered head to foot in a tidal wave of muddy water.  I do not want to know what that muddy dog is doing to the inside of her house.  Luckily, our house sits up higher, and our dog is too prissy to get her feet wet.  When we force her to go out, she barely takes one step into the wet grass before peeing and running back to the door. I suspect she’d go on the patio if she thought she could get away with it.

I have errands to run at lunch and grocery shopping to do for my parents visit (they arrive tomorrow), but who wants to go sloshing around getting soaked to the knees running errands? Feh.

I did break down though and make a pedi appointment over lunch today. Hopefully I won’t get too wet coming back in my flip flops.  I just couldn’t put it off any longer; I am in desperate need.  I took off the polish from my last pedi and my toes look AWFUL.  The top half of the nails on my big toes are all white stripey/scratched up-like when you peel acrylics off and they take a layer of nail with it.  I think the last pedicurist roughed them up on purpose because she had a serious stick up her ass.  I don’t know what her problem was, it might have been that I dropped and broke a bottle of polish when picking out my color but she was surly from the minute I sat down. 

Anyway, think Spring!


Weekend of Free March 17, 2008

Filed under: Daily Grind — booksunread @ 2:02 pm

My Saturday got off to a rather pissy start as I rushed to get out the door to yoga, only to find when I got there that all classes were canceled for the weekend due to instructor training.  I haven’t been to the gym all week with my travel schedule and bunko and last Saturday the blizzard kept me away.  I was very annoyed they hadn’t said anything in the weekend classes leading up to this weekend and the signs that they posted were black and white letter sized signs propped up 3 feet away from where you check in at the front desk.  I never would have noticed them even if I had been there this week. 

Of course, I wasn’t wearing gym shoes and hadn’t brought a fresh bra to change into if I got all sweaty (I was showering and heading straight to a wax appt.), so I couldn’t even do anything at all while I was there. I had to turn around and go home after packing a bag and being all ready to do class.  I suppose I could have just showered and gotten ready there anyway, but I felt really weird doing that after not doing anything at all…

Anyway, back to the point, my weekend of free.  My Saturday definitely perked up from there.  The local radio stations do this thing where they sell $50 gift cards for $25 so I’d been collecting them for spa that does laser hair removal. I desperately want to get my bikini line done. I’m not an overly hairy person in general, but my bikini line starts somewhere just north of my knees for some reason.  Once we started on the baby track, pointing lasers at your privates is frowned upon so I started to use them up on waxes and pedis.  However, I’m a bit behind in using them and realized that I’d let a bunch of them expire.  One back in December and then three at the beginning of this month.  At my wax on Saturday, I pulled out the December expired one and she never checked the date on the back. Bonus! Free wax! I’ve got to schedule a pedi asap to try to burn through some of the March ones.

Then I went to Linens and Things to purchase my George Foreman G5 grill (with waffle making plates! mmm waffles!) and sundry other kitchen items I couldn’t live without.  The total was $160, I had a 20% off coupon-BAM! $130! Then, I handed over $70 in gift cards I’d gotten from rewards points on credit cards. Annnd…$160 worth of stuff for 60 bucks!

Then it was off to Ann Taylor Loft where I had one of those spend $50, get $25 off coupons. Even though none of my local stores carry maternity, I figured I could just get a couple tops to put away for after when it would be nice to have new stuff and I probably wouldn’t have a lot of disposable income (as I will be blowing it all on disposable diapers!).  I ended up finding two tops that are long enough I can probably wear them a couple times still now, then will be nice for back to work after, and an XL tank top for working out all throughout.  Plus, I had a leftover birthday gift certificate so I didn’t even have to pay anything on the reduced by $25 total!

THEN! I went to Panera for lunch, where I redeemed my full bread club card for a free baguette.

I love free!