I can’t believe it’s been six weeks! What a freaking roller coaster we’ve been on since little squidgy got here (that’s his name, don’t ask me where it came from, he’s just all wiggley and squiggely and well, squidgy…). I don’t even think I can capture with words all the ups and downs. I think back to those desperate first few days and can barely wrap my mind around how we got through them. And mostly, he was just sleeping and eating then. And then the in between weeks, when he was more awake and more demanding, but really not all that much more fun.
Now in week six, we are hitting the fun weeks. He is so much more alert. He looks around and makes fun little faces and reacts to rattles, toys and faces. And, he’ll even sit quietly and amuse himself for short periods of time so I can get other stuff done.
Still, there are times of day when he insists on being held to sleep, and I feel like my ass is melting into the corner of the couch where I’ve set up shop with a fort of pillows to support my dead asleep arm. And I sometimes feel like every day is measured in 3 hour increments and I’m just living from one to the next; praying he doesn’t wake up or start fussing early, forcing me to feed him and throw off the schedule. He’s still pretty good at night; he goes down without too much rocking/work after his 9:00 feeding, gets up at some point between 1 and 3, and is fed, changed, and back asleep within an hour until 6ish.
On the low end of the coaster, the bottle battle continues. There is nothing more frustrating; it makes me feel so cruel to hold him and force the bottle on him while he cries miserably. At the same time, I can’t leave him with anyone else to do that; he’s got to learn to take the bottle. And I just felt so helpless, because I’ve read the books, talked to lactation consultants and my pediatrician, and the bottom line is, they could only tell me stuff to try, not give me an absolute answer of what would work. But, persistence pays off and we had a small victory today. He took down about an ounce and half of formula from a platex bottle with a latex nipple. We’ll keep working at it until I get a full bottle feeding into him a day, and then we’ll try getting rid of the formula and giving him a bottle of my milk. Hopefully, this is the light at the end of the tunnel…