How about you spend your time arresting real criminals-you know, murderers who take the lives of others who don’t want to die-and leave the people who help others who want to end their suffering in a dignified and painless way alone?
Go Bananas! February 19, 2009
The smashed bananas were a hit. Squidge gobbled them down without a pause. Then I started mixing in some of the banana flavored oatmeal with it and he didn’t skip a beat. Tuesday when I was out of bananas, I tried the straight cereal again and he took it. Go figure. So I can dial back the freak out about needing OT to get him to eat his solids. Next up, sweet potatoes.
At his 7 month weight check this week, he stayed back up on the curve where he belongs; he’d gained 9 oz since he was there two weeks ago when we switched his reflux meds. I can’t quite remember what his 6 month vs 7 month weight was; there were a lot of numbers flying around. All I know is he passed! We will not be sent back to GI, and we don’t have to go back to the pediatrician until his 9 month visit. I’m sure my insurance company will be relieved. Between all the visits to the pediatrician and physical therapy, and the fact that I get an explanation of benefits from both insurance companies for each visit, Squidge’s medical file takes up have of my filing cabinet. I thank my lucky stars every day we’re fortunate enough to have two good insurance plans.
Toby February 16, 2009
Remember that episode of Friends, where one of Chandler’s coworkers has been calling him “Toby” for the last 5 years because he didn’t correct the guy the first time it happened and now it’s just awkward? We’ve got a bit of that situation going on in my office with Squidgey’s name.
I work in an extremely small office, 12 people, and one is an executive of one of our divions-a pretty high ranking position, although I in no way report to him. He is a nice guy, and as such always inquires as to how Squidgey is doing. Except he calls him “Conner.” Which is not his name. Right first and last letters, but wrong middle. I corrected him the first couple times it happened, but then it happened when we were all out to lunch and I didn’t want to embarrass him in front of everybody. I did make it a point, though, to refer to Squidge by his correct name a couple times during the rest of the conversation. He didn’t pick it up, and the Connering has continued.
Now it’s gone on so long it would be totally awkward if I corrected him. Like, “Why have you been letting me call him Conner all this time, why didn’t you correct me before now?” So, um, Conner it is then.
Solids February 13, 2009
Continuing in his quest to kill me slowly with non-life threatening complications, Squidge is still refusing to have anything to do with solids. He had been eating rice cereal (with some breaks to accommodate the stomach bugs) since early January. We were to the point where he was opening up on his own and finishing it up without too much coaxing.
Then two weeks ago Saturday (the weekend that the not eating formula started, before the cold), I switched to oatmeal and he seemed to do fine for the first two days. Then on Monday the cold came and he absolutely refused to have anything to do with the cereal, turning his head away, batting at the spoon, and blocking it with his tongue the few times I could actually get it in there. Which, his sitter told me that just that morning when she was feeding the other baby, Squidge was opening his mouth. WTF? In the morning he’s eagerly inviting cereal into his mouth (although she didn’t give him any) and by evening he’d lost all interest.
Over the course of the week, his formula eating appetite came back, but solids still remained on his shit list. We tried the oatmeal a couple more times, we skipped some days as a break (for both of us), and when we started again, I reverted back to the rice cereal. Still no dice. In desperation, I even tried sweetening it with some sugar. Verdict? No thanks. I wanted to try him on some bananas, to see if it’s a cereal problem but Miguel came back with like the least ripe bananas in the whole store. So I’m waiting for them to ripen/sweeten up before I try them. (I’m not planning on feeding him jarred baby food.) In the meantime, I noticed at the drug store yesterday they had Gerber oatmeal mixed with bananas already, so I figured why not give it a try. Still no dice.
I am so fucking discouraged. I’m so tired of every little thing being such a fucking struggle. I’m so not looking forward to going back to the pediatrician on Monday for his 7 month weight check and having to tell him, “yeah, now I can’t get him to eat solids.” Like, can I get nothing right? He’s likely to be graduating from PT this week for his neck, but now it looks like we’ll be going for occupational therapy to get him to eat now.
I’m sure all this emotion is exacerbated by the fact that we are STILL not sleeping through the night. Compounded the last week or so by the fact he no longer just eats and passes out, he wants to be held for half an hour until he is deeply asleep before you can dump in back in his crib. With his cold, I’d been giving in, because letting him scream it out was going to do nothing but make his congestion worse. Now that it is over I tried to tough it out last night and not hold him to sleep. After feeding him at 3, I was in there off and on until 4:45, popping his binky in and/or pulling him out of the corner of the crib in which he’d wedged himself. I finally gave up and turned off the monitor, but Miguel gave in and went and rocked him back to sleep.
But other than all this bullshit, he is perfectly happy. And adorable.
I know that there are a ton of parents out there who would welcome a baby with Squidge’s health/developmental problems, compared to the serious complications they’re dealing with. But every one of these little things piled on top of each other feels like I’m being pecked to death by chickens. Angry chickens.
Getting Back to Normal February 9, 2009
Fingers crossed, and I’m probably jinxing it by saying it out loud, but it seems like things are starting to turn back around. My parents were here this weekend and it was a busy one of buying supplies and baby proofing.
My dad helped Miguel install baby gates across our 6 ft dining room opening, at the top of our open basement stairs and at the top of the stairs on the second floor. Of course, it was all a big clusterfuck. Not a single opening had two solid, unobstructed walls directly across from one another for easy mounting; there were banisters, just slightly off-set walls and janky gate construction to contend with. For every one they had to engineer a mounting system with 2×2’s, shims and lots of swearing.
We still have to do the bottom of the stairs up to the second floor. There is a banister on one side and then the other is open for the first three stairs, which are extra long and wide. So that will be their next visit. I am so lucky that my dad is the anal retentive carpenter and Macgruber all rolled into one! If it was solely up to Miguel, we would have ended up putting a foam pit at the bottom of each staircase and hoping for the best!
My mom and I also Macgrubered bumpers (pipe insulation foam covered with a fabric “scrunchie”) for the coffee tables so Squidge doesn’t bump his head. All this for a kid who still isn’t sitting up more than ten seconds at a time. He is very rolly, tho. You put him in the middle of the playroom for a couple seconds and when you come back, he’s in the middle of the foyer.
On Friday, I decided that I wasn’t going to wrestle Squidge twice a day to squirt a huge dose of protonix down his throat and asked the pediatrician if we could try prevacid again. We had 1st tried it when he was just a couple months old and didn’t like it. It doesn’t come in liquid-you have to dissolve a pill in a syringe of water and I found it hard to administer. The thinness of the water allows it to run out of his mouth more easily than a syrupy liquid med and I was inexperienced in administering meds in general at that point.
So we’re trying it again. It’s only once a day and I’m using as little water as possible to minimize the chance it will run out of his mouth. There’s been some overflow, but I think he’s getting most of it. At least, his eating is finally starting to improve again. We’re back up over 20 ounces a day at least and he is slowly taking more each feeding. I have to laugh because one of my girlfriends had originally advised not to get too many of the smaller bottles because they outgrow them so fast. At almost 7 months we’re still going through cycles where that’s all we use because he won’t take more than 4 ounces.
His cold is also getting better, so who knows if the eating improvement is due to that, the new reflux med, or some combination of the two. He’s still completely refusing cereal now; I only tried on Saturday because I get so upset about his regression. I’m going to talk to a feeding specialist at his physical therapy center if he’s not back to normal by Friday.
Between the plague and my parent’s visit, I haven’t done the Shred DVD since I think Sunday or Monday of last week. And while I ate nothing but a slice of toast and popsicles for two days, I more than made up for it during the visit. We always eat well when my parents are here-we go out and/or cook big meals at home. So I need to get back on that and the food log today. It has been working. Saturday night I was able to wear a pair of jeans I thought I was months away from being able to wear in public again. Progress!
‘Snot so bad, I guess February 6, 2009
Whoo boy. We completed the baby bodily fluid trifecta. We’ve had the rivers of poop, and the barfing. Today, I put a bib on my kid to catch the wads of snot shooting out his nose when he sneezes. I do not even understand where it all could be coming from. They are seriously as big as golf balls.
Yeah, so Squidgey has quite a cold. It has been a challenging week to say the least (when isn’t it?). Squidge’s cold started kicking Monday night so I was up and down, sleeping sitting up with him in his chair for most of the night. At 4, I decided I had to get an hour of sleep in bed, so I went to get Miguel, who informed me he had been puking and pooping for the last hour. And suddenly I started to feel a little rumbley, too. Sure enough within 10 minutes I was running for the toilet.
Talk about my worst nightmare-for both of us to be sick and have to suck it up and take care of Squidge. Not to mention he could ill afford to catch another stomach bug what with his eating/weight gain issues. Luckily, he did not catch it so we were able to send him to the sitter and retire to our separate beds and bathrooms to ride out the storm.
Not that escaping the stomach bug has done Squidge any good on the eating front. After eating like a superstar for 2 weeks after his 6 month appointment, he suddenly started going downhill again last weekend. Arching away, turning his head, refusing to finish more than a couple ounces at a time. I got him into the pediatrician Monday and his best guess was that his Zantac was not working anymore. So he switched him to something called protonix.
Wow, does Squidge hate that shit. And of course, the dose is twice as much to try to get in his mouth and get him to swallow. He gags, he chokes, he gargles it, lets it ooze out his mouth and cries. So fun when he’s already a miserable little ball of snot. Still, it seems to be working some, he will finish a 4 ounce bottle now and he’s not as fussy when eating, but clearly the cold has sapped his appetite. Now, he won’t have anything to do with his cereal, either.
I am at my wits end. I keep going back the pediatrician and they shake their heads when they see the scale and I’m all “but, but, he was eating good, but then he got a stomach bug, and another stomach bug, and a cold.” I feel like people are looking at me like I am one of those crazy mothers that makes their kids sick on purpose. Most of my waking hours are consumed with when Squidgey will eat, how much he will eat, how much he has eaten, what size bottle I think I can get him to take, etc. And yet, here we are, unable to even stay on the growth curve for the 5th percentile with one excuse after another as to why we can’t get his weight up.
He was most likely going to “graduate” from PT today, but between us being sick and him being sick, we haven’t really done much therapeutic play time, so I’m not sure he would qualify for graduation. But I’m not taking him today because of the whole wads o snot thing. Which again, I hate for him to miss since he hasn’t been getting good stretching at home, but I know his therapist doesn’t want to handle a 13 pound germ for an hour, nor do I think he would be amenable to it when he doesn’t feel good.
I feel like I’m standing ankle deep in the ocean with the sand being sucked out from underneath my feet by a retreating wave. Every time I think we’ve made some progress, and things are leveling off, it all goes to hell again.