So I’ve been wanting to try a three day juice cleanse for a while now but I could never find three days in row that I felt like it would be okay if I felt shitty from the cleanse, plus it’s a big monetary investment with the cost per juice plus the shipping required for perishables. I finally decided that one day was doable, and found the juices on sale for 6.99 each at my local Whole Foods, saving in the shipping.
I wake up reluctantly as usual at 5:40ish, shower and get ready. My weight is 154.2 and I’m not feeling particularly hungry at this point.
When I go down to pack my juices for the day and see all the food in the fridge and pantry I won’t be eating today, I start to get a bit hungry. I pack a handful of almonds to eat pre-run and resist the urge to snag a couple. I also pack a hardboiled egg to eat first thing in the morning just to keep me from dying. I also grab a plain tea bag in case I have a serious caffeine emergency.
I don’t have the lemon for the recommended hot lemon water so I substitute lime. I got the hot water from the Keurig and am hoping that there’s some residual caffeine in it. I drink the hot citrus water on the ride to work and start to feel a little irritation in my throat by the time I finish. Along the way, I debate whether or not to actually eat the hardboiled egg, more because it doesn’t sound particularly appetizing than any noble juice-only intentions. Just thinking about it conjures thoughts of rubberyness.
As I climb the stairs to my office, I’m really feeling yesterday’s pilates in my butt/hip area and I’m struggling under the weight of my juice, workout gear and purse. For a minute I attribute it to juice-only weakness and then realize how silly I’m being as I’ve had exactly the same amount of no food as I have every single morning by this time. I am being dramatic. Surprising.
When I get to the office, I head down to the kitchen to peel my egg. Someone has cooked a breakfast biscuit. MURDER. I stash my juice, fill a 24oz tumbler with water and head back to my desk. As feared, the egg squeaks against my teeth. I avoid most of the yolk as it’s not as done as I would like.
At 7:30 I take my usual morning constitutional, without benefit of my usual morning coffee. Things are a little, um, forced. I return to my desk and crack my first juice-Fiji. I take a big swig. Hmm. The first thing that hits me is the cucumber scent in my nose. The other thing that hits me as I’m swallowing is salty. Wasn’t expecting that. It goes slightly sweet with the apple and has a leftover burn that feels like spice…looking at the ingredients it must be the ginger. Sooooo about a third of the way down with big sort of forced gulps and I’m feeling it kind of drip down the sides of my stomach. I’m going to feel sloshy and full when this is done I think. I’m trying to decide if it’s better to chug it or take a sip every couple of minutes…
I log into my webmail. The home screen is a giant ad for BWs, complete with food and a giant shandy. CONSPIRACY!
I finish the Fiji in about 20 minutes and am a little grossed out by the after taste. I hit the water.
Work work work. Maybe a slight headache from lack of coffee, but could also be allergies that have been plaguing me. Have to pee. Not hungry.
9:45 Pee again. Refill water, grab Fuel-a little worried about the turmeric involved. Smell the orange immediately, taste is strongly carrot but not unpleasant with a sweet pineapple finish-just slightly tart. Can’t taste the turmeric at all. This one goes down much more easily and I’m done in about 20 again. I have a vague urge to eat something to get rid of the slight tart aftertaste in my mouth.
11:45. Down another 24 ounces on water, the headache is becoming a problem and I really really need to pee again! I usually have a can of coke zero with lunch and I usually reach for lunch about 11, so my body is really starting to miss caffeine. Oh, and I was maybe drinking some caffeine based metabolism booster every morning. So right now my body is screaming for caffeine. I may have to hit that tea to wash down lunch. Which lunch. Right. The good news is that I wasn’t starving for lunch by 11, which I often am. The bad news is that Green Supreme is not looking like much of lunch and I’m a little afraid of what it tastes like. I’m starting to feel a little liquid logged and I’m worried I’ll have trouble choking it all down… here goes nothing! Make the mistake this time of smelling first. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD this is the worst one. It’s just kale, apple juice and lemon. This is going to be tough. Has skunky finish and aftertaste. It takes slightly longer to get this one down and I feel kind of sick.
It’s almost 1:00, the time I had scheduled for my last juice at work-leaving 2 more for after my run/dinner/bedtime. Even though it’s not a green juice, I’m not remotely interested in it. Not hungry at all.
It’s 1:45 and I’m still not hungry, slowing down on the water and have realized I have a massage appointment this afternoon. So no run. No big; it’s raining anyway, although I was curious to see if I’d have the stamina for a run. I’m guessing I would have felt okay. But that does mean I’ve got to hammer down the next juice now before I leave since I’ll be incapacitated for an hour on the massage table. I thought about waiting but that means 3 juices to toss back between 4:00 and bedtime and that seems a lot if I plan to go to bed earlyish.
2:05 time to sprint this mofo down. Crap. Assumed red color of purify was due to cranberries. It’s not. Beets. Along with carrots, apple, celery and cucumber. Oh that is not good. Tastes like grass. No way I’m getting this whole thing down. If I get to half of this one I’m calling it good. I got all but the last sip of it down and that’s enough.
Go to massage, feel pretty fine after but headache is not feeling so good. Get home at 4:30ish and close eyes on the couch until it’s time to make weenut’s dinner at 5. Only partially resist the urge to scarf down all the leftover macnchz-I break down and grab a couple of bites. Procrastinate on drinking the next juice because I know Glow, another green juice, is going to suck. I have the idea to put it in the freezer, maybe being extra cold will minimize the taste. Bad idea. Leave it in too long and now it’s icy. Who doesn’t want a cucumber, celery, kale, spinach slurpee? I’m so over gulping down things that don’t taste very good to me. I only finish half and compensate by eating the almonds I’d packed for my prerun snack.
By 7:00, I’ve done some work on the computer and played ball with weenut outside for a little bit. I pull the last juice from the fridge, not because I’m hungry, but to get it down so I can go to bed and escape this headache asap. Vanilla Cloud is definitely ending the cleanse on a high note-it’s almost too sweet after the other juices and tastes much like a chai tea. But still, at this point, I’m feeling a little resentful at having another 16oz of liquid to drink. And my head is absolutely throbbing. I finish and close my eyes for a while until it’s weenut’s bedtime.
I get weenut to bed and follow him by 8:30. I have to get up to pee once in the middle of the night, but other than that, sleep pretty well.
I woke up today feeling fine and rested, but by the time I’m done getting ready, I’ve got a headache. I can’t wait to grab my morning cup of coffee. Oh and I’m down to 152.6 so I “lost” under 2 pounds although I don’t expect it to be permanent.
Sooo? Takeaways? I was never hungry, and only felt the urge to actually eat something because it was there in front of me. That was surprising to me. Would I do it again? Probably not. I can’t imagine choking down all those green juices again. I can totally see doing juice only for even a three day cleanse, but it’s probably all the veggies those green juices that keep you feeling full and satisfied all day. I might be able to do a modified cleanse-ONE green juice, and two of the others plus maybe a solid meal heavy on the green veggies in solid form not smooshed all together. I did learn that I’m overly dependent on caffeine. So I’m going to cut out my lunchtime coke and stick with water-and increase my water overall for the day. And I feel like I need less food to feel full. We will see if that lasts.
Books Unread, Jokes Untold-the pursuit of life 